Tony Hayward's Silver Tongue

Tony Hayward, you may remember, was the CEO of BP until today. Following the sterling work of Lord Browne (abandoning renewables, tightening the financial ship by cutting back on safety and investing in disgusting shale recovery, before being forced out for committing perjury in a bid to hide his sex life - now hired by the Tory Scum to sack thousands of civil servants), Hayward oversaw BPs forays into outsourcing, negligence, safety violations and explosions, before triumphing with his conversion of the Gulf of Mexico into a greasy, dead pit.

Early on in the unfolding drama, he muttered 'I want my life back', which coincidentally may have been the last thoughts of several million fish, birds and other lifeforms. Then he was photographed out yachting while local fishermen were confined to port.



Finally, he resigned.
Not, one should add, with good grace, but with a quite incredible degree of chutzpah - or brazen cheek, supported by his successor (qualification: American):

I think BP's response to this tragedy has been a model of good social corporate responsibility.

His exit was in the best interests of BP because he had been demonised by the Gulf accident, he explained, adding that he might be "too busy" to attend future US hearings into the disastrous Gulf oil spill.

Too busy, we gather, spending the £11 million he's walking away with.