Tony Hayward's Silver Tongue

Tony Hayward, you may remember, was the CEO of BP until today. Following the sterling work of Lord Browne (abandoning renewables, tightening the financial ship by cutting back on safety and investing in disgusting shale recovery, before being forced out for committing perjury in a bid to hide his sex life - now hired by the Tory Scum to sack thousands of civil servants), Hayward oversaw BPs forays into outsourcing, negligence, safety violations and explosions, before triumphing with his conversion of the Gulf of Mexico into a greasy, dead pit.

Early on in the unfolding drama, he muttered 'I want my life back', which coincidentally may have been the last thoughts of several million fish, birds and other lifeforms. Then he was photographed out yachting while local fishermen were confined to port.



Finally, he resigned.
Not, one should add, with good grace, but with a quite incredible degree of chutzpah - or brazen cheek, supported by his successor (qualification: American):

I think BP's response to this tragedy has been a model of good social corporate responsibility.

His exit was in the best interests of BP because he had been demonised by the Gulf accident, he explained, adding that he might be "too busy" to attend future US hearings into the disastrous Gulf oil spill.

Too busy, we gather, spending the £11 million he's walking away with. 

Deep in the Browne stuff

One of the Tories' constant mantras is that the State must learn from business practices (usually cutting jobs and eradicating pesky rules, such as employment and environmental protections).

In pursuit of this ideal, they've appointed Lord Browne as some kind of business efficiency supremo, to inculcate business efficiency in the civil service.

Let's put to one side the near-collapse of the economy due to business practices over the last couple of years. Instead, let's review Lord Browne's career:

1. He was head of BP, and 'saved' the company by instituting the kinds of cutbacks, corner-cutting and sharp practice which is currently destroying our American cousins' environment right now. Known as the Sun King, he oversaw the deaths of several Texans in a refinery explosion caused by poor maintenance and negligence. He was also a director of Goldman Sachs, one of the guiltiest parties in the crash.

2. He resigned in disgrace after being caught lying to a court about his private life. I believe this is called perjury.

Mmm. Exactly the kind of role model we need in government.

Vuvuzoiler

There's a Kickstarter plan afoot: to fund a Vuvuzela orchestra to play outside BP's headquarters for an entire day - longer if they can manage it! This reminds me of the Indian state which hired singing eunuchs to serenade tax avoiders until they paid up, with excellent results!

The question is - what songs should the orchestra play for BP? 'Bridge Over Troubled Waters'? Blur's 'Oily Water'? Steve Earle or Kristin Hersh's 'Snake Oil' or Incubus's 'Oil and Water'? Tower of Power's 'Only So Much Oil in the Ground'? Midnight Oil's 'Somebody's Trying to Tell Me Something', 'Underwater', or their 'Someone Else to Blame'? 'Oil Field is Burning' by Mark Lee Allen? Paul Wall's 'Sliding on that Oil'? Jerry Reed's 'The Crude Oil Blues'?

Just not Jethro Tull's 'North Sea Oil' (play the clip at your own risk - it does contain Jazz Flute).

Other suggestions?

This tracklist writes itself. Send them a small donation.

Well, that about wraps it up for the Republicans

I thought that the Republicans were rebounding in the US, on the back of racism, paranoia, greed and fear: the usual ingredients for rightwing success. Obama and the Democrats seemed to be struggling to make the political weather, despite their huge success in the last elections.

That's all changed, thanks to BP, and to Joe Barton, the Republican Congressman who apologised to the oil company for Obama's 'shakedown'. Never mind the legal status of the compensation fund Obama made BP hand over: Barton must be insane if he thinks that defending a British company which has poisoned the oceans is politically clever.

The surprise at Barton's remarks was heightened after it was revealed the Texas congressman – who once worked as an oilfield engineer – has has received nearly $150,000 in donations from an oil company, Anadarko Petroleum, which is a partner with BP in the Gulf oilfield.

His party isn't impressed either: they made him apologise for his apology - twice!

This clip will feature in every Democrat's election campaign for years:

Next Stop: Cuba

BP's oil spill is about to devastate Cuba's beaches, unspoiled havens for many rare species (including Communists).

Will BP be sending booms, rescue teams, dispersants and millions of dollars?

I doubt it. After all, what counts isn't moral responsibility, but how big a stick is being waved in your direction. Obama has several big sticks. Cuba has none.

BP claims another victim

Poor Aquaman:

Another catastrophic BP spill

They think it's oil over…

So, did you all enjoy the big match between the United States and BP England? I thought there was some slick passing, though many of the tackles were pretty crude, and the defence leaked badly. 


Still, congratulations are due to England for achieving a creditable draw against a country where football ranks somewhere below competitive spitballing in the popularity stakes. Onwards and upwards, eh?


Actually, I didn't watch the match, other than ten minutes on a badly tuned TV in a takeaway. The streets were deserted - like the opening scenes of 28 Days Later. Instead, I watched Sense and Sensibility, the version with every Classically-Trained British Actor of the last 30 years. It was excellent, though obviously a novel of two halves, and poor Miss Dashwood (Emma Thompson) was left sick as a parrot until the lads Ferrers and Brandon turned it around in the dying minutes of extra time. 

Beyond Pollution?

Doonesbury nails BP's PR effort, which is only slightly less expensive and useless than its clean-up operation.

Click for a larger version.

Oilcam

Watch the bastards wreck the planet in real time.





By the way, for the benefit of my Conservative readers, this is what happens in advanced capitalist states, especially ones which suffer constant lobbying by big business for 'small government' and 'deregulation':

3.43pm (9.43am CDT): 

The head of the troubled US Minerals Management Service, Elizabeth Birnbaum, has been sacked.

The agency was heavily criticised over the leak. An official report found that it allowed staff at oil and gas firms to fill in inspection reports in pencil, with regulators later going over the answers in ink. 

If you think it's different over here, try asking the Ministry of Defence how many of its officials are on secondment from weapons manufacturers, and how many civil servants and military officials retire to the boards of weapons manufacturers. Ask the Treasury and Business department how many of its staff are on secondment from major corporations, particularly the accountancy firms, or go on to work there.

It's corrupt. These companies hardly need to lobby because the door's wide open for them to write the rules on financial regulation, or defence procurement. They run these departments, threatening ministers with dire warnings about job losses in marginal consituencies, or 'market destabilisation' if the elected government doesn't do exactly what business wants (and that's worked out brilliantly, hasn't it?). 

The mantra used to be 'what's good for business is good for Britain', repeated while their shareholders moved the head office offshore to avoid tax, outsourced workforces elsewhere, fought employee safety and environmental regulation and generally worked for a jungle of exploitation. If you haven't noticed, 'bonuses are back' while public services are cut to the bone. So much for 'good for Britain'.