For the first time since I was 15 or so, I've stopped wanting to watch or listen to every news broadcast available. I approach them with a sense of dread. The time signal pips and 'It's x o'clock, here are the headlines' evoke in me a feeling of deep depression.
So I've written a set of general headlines which can be used every single day without inaccuracy.
1. The government has announced new plans to grind the faces of the poor into the dust and there's nothing you can do about it. A multimillionaire old Etonian will be on later to explain why this is morally and socially necessary.
2. The government has announced new plans to enrich their corporate friends and there's nothing you can do about it. A multimillionaire old Etonian will be on later to explain why this is morally and socially necessary.
3. The Afghanistan war continues because nobody can think of anything else to do.
4. Oil continues to flow into the Gulf of Mexico/Niger delta/wherever but only damage in first world areas will be cleaned up.
5. Another animal went extinct today. SUV sales are up.
6. England lost another sports event (OK, so I don't mind hearing that one).
I'm planning a slightly more relaxed week. I took yesterday off to see a friend, and I'm off to see my mother and other people later in the week, so I won't be ranting at you too much. First thing today, however, is union duty, representing a colleague. I've been practising lines from films (slams desk, shouts 'You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! Guidelines 639.1 paragraph 12 and 2187.95 section F paragraph 94 have been goddamn overlooked! Book 'em, Danno.')
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