No sooner do I type the words

…than Paul Uppal MP is on his hind legs, failing to impress his party superiors and the Speaker of the House of Commons. He gets going on his favourite topics (himself, and why we shouldn't give a flying one about anyone else):

It is important that I make the point that I myself went to a state school. I did allude to that. When I was in primary school, I was in a remedial class because the assumption was that I could not speak English, but the important point I want to make is-

when he's cut off by a weary Speaker who points out that Parliament isn't the place for a misery memoir:

Order. The hon. Gentleman must ask a question. His intervention is not a chance to make a speech.

so he carries on, blithely happy to restrict good education to kid who can be privately coached to pass a test

Thank you for your guidance, Mr Deputy Speaker, and I will do so. I want to make a point about the selection issue, which the hon. Lady raised. Why do we go on about selection? Selection in this modern day, when our children are competing with graduates from India and China, is linked to the importance of the pursuit of excellence and aspiration. That is absolutely crucial if we are to succeed, and-

when he's cut off again, most rudely:

Order. I call Yasmin Qureshi.

Yasmin's got the right idea:

If the teachers are teaching well and the pupils are responding well, children of all abilities can be taught in one school. 

Top quality. Uppal's clearly well worth £65k per year on intellectual ability alone, and no doubt representing the feelings of his constituents on this one. I don't think.