The Journal of Universal Rejection.
Meanwhile, I should direct you to UBS, a fine educational institution which has drawn many of its strategic and pedagogical approaches from close observation of The Hegemon. Its 'mission statement' is way ahead of the pack: 'providing legally valid degrees to people who pay their fees'.
This bit, in particular, could have been dictated by our illustrious outgoing VC:
Rumours that the college's finances are in desperate trouble have been circulating after a report in the Guardian newspaper's education section following the publication of the University accounts. The report claimed that all University financial reserves had been exhausted and the Senior Management Team would be forced into downsizing.
This week, John Freemason issued a memo to all University staff repudiating the rumours. In particular, he objected to the Guardian's use of the phrase "Up Shit Creek" and retorted that the Guardian's claims were exaggerated.
"The Guardian's figures merely represent the fiscal deficiencies in our net pecuniary imbalance," wrote Mr Freemason. "When one takes into account the projected upturn in student numbers, together with the new raft of money-saving proposals to be launched later this week as part of the University 5 year plan, the picture isn't so bad. If in addition we examine the 'seasonally adjusted' figures which take into account the positive financial effect of the good weather on staff productivity, the University's finances are actually in a healthy shape."
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