Thursday, 22 September 2011

Internet updates

I get slightly odd visitors and I'd like to introduce some of them to you. Here's a selection of recent searches that lead people to the Oasis of Vole:
Search Words
vole cum pun tuburi

Which translates as 'how do I something tubes?'.

What do the Reform Synagogues of Great Britain want to know about?
cork hat
Which leads them to my advice to aspiring tabloid journalists. Obviously.

A LOT of Brazilians and Colombians want to see pastiche pictures of Jesus toting a rifle and a naked kid with photoshopped wings. And who can blame them? One erudite reader wanted to know about obscure Victorian New Woman journalism novels. Someone in Vietnam wants to know what 'plashing' is (it's less exciting than you might think, to be honest). 

Some traitor at the University of Teesside wants to buy the Viz Princess Diana Memorial Plate, a page also viewed by someone in Stone Mountain, Georgia, searching for the Life of Christ in Cats artwork: surely that kind of sacrilege gets your house burned down in the South? Flushing, New York, is a hotbed of Dr. Who or Eric Pickles fans. I'm hoping for the former. 

One reader in Brooklyn - like me - has had enough of Narnia, capital letters and punctuation:
i hate cs lewis
As for the inhabitants of Hettingen, North Dakota: you people sicken me. The only way to cauterise the oozing moral wounds revealed by your search terms is to take off and nuke you from orbit. 

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