Wednesday 10 March 2010

Fictional advice for writers

Incongruously, I'm listening to Half Man Half Biscuit (sample lyric from 'Shit Arm, Bad Tattoo'): 
I could have put my head in a bucket full of porridge
And moaned about the hospital parking scheme
I would have saved 14 pounds
That I just splashed out on your second album
For that’s what it’s akin to
And furthermore
You’ve got a shit arm, and that’s a bad tattoo
You’ve got a shit arm, and that’s a bad tattoo



If you’re going to quote from the Book of Revelation
Don’t keep calling it the Book of Revelations
There’s no “s”, it’s the Book of Revelation
As revealed to St John the Divine
See also Mary Hopkin
She must despair
You’ve got a shit arm, and that’s a bad tattoo
You’ve got a shit arm, and that’s a bad tattoo

But I'm also reading scholarly texts on Anne of Green Gables, and was reminded of these wise words for students and aspiring writers:

"Miss Stacy makes us write all our essays as simply as possible. It was hard at first. I was so used to crowding in all the fine big words I could think of - and I thought of any number of them. But I've got used to it now and I see it's so much better".

3 comments:

Graham Quirk said...

just had a little chuckle at those half man half biscuit lyrics. It's funny how comedy writing is one the hardest disciplines to excel at, yet it receives little or no critical recognition. Wasn't 'some like it hot' the last comedy to win a best picture oscar?

The Plashing Vole said...

True. HMHB are the heirs to Flanders and Swann. I also like 'Your child's hyperactive? Could he be just a twat?' from the same album.

The Plashing Vole said...

And 'There's a man with a mullet going mad with a mallet in Millets'.