Thursday, 17 September 2009

Ladies and gentlemen, this civilisation is now closed. Please make your way to the exits

Coming home at midnight after a hard evening's fencing, I slumped in front of the TV while I ate delicious home-made soup.

I was confronted by an advert which made me so furious that I hardly slept last night, so beset was I with plans to raze to the ground the headquarters of Skinny Water.

Oh yes. We all know that bottled water is an affront to economics and the environment, but these cynical monsters are peddling their water as 'low calorie' - as opposed to their rivals and tap water. I now realise that I'm a fat git not because of my prodigious intake of pork products and beer. I'm a fat git because I've been drinking highly calorific tap H20, or 'Fatty Water' as they no doubt term it.

They've added a load of crap with pseudo-scientific compound names and dubious claims ('Crave', 'Shape Control', 'Detox') and even claim that different times of day require different waters. Most egregiously of all, they used the term 'bio synergy' in the TV advert, which means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in relation to water, but does sound healthy and energetic.

Do yourself a favour - drink from the tap and don't ever, EVER give houseroom to people who make up this quack, charlatan nonsense. Ooh, I'm so angry.


Newton Heath 18 said...

I have not seen this but I share in your anger. Perhaps they will next develop low calorie air.

Dan said...

I know of someone who drinks this crap. We spent a whole twenty minutes scouring Tesco's for the stuff a few weeks back. Ridiculous.

Kate said...

Yes, I'm aware of this new product. Stop stressing about it and laugh heartily. The only fools who will buy this stuff are the same ones who buy [insert name of inane celeb mag here] to follow the latest news on Jordan and Andre, do we actually care if they get fleeced? See it as a Darwin evolutionary thing, so they'll have less money to spend on the latest eye glitter as worn by Ms Aniston this week, I mean really, who cares? Anyone with half a brain wouldn't touch this stuff.

Jase said...

I'm right with you here.

This, combined with Biffidus Digestivum (I imagine I've spelled it incorrectly), the burgeoning shelf acreage given across to celebrity gossip mags and ITV, is clearly foretelling the end of civilisation.

I'm going to go and teach myself the violin whilst Rome burns...