Friday, 20 May 2011

Are you Rapture Ready?

A tiny bunch of the nuttiest wing of Christianity is wandering the airwaves announcing that tomorrow (21st of May) is the Rapture, when the Elect (a few thousand at most) ascend to heaven, leaving the rest of us to fight it out, with or against the Antichrist.

There was even a representative of on the streets of Manchester today. I'd love to have stopped him for a chat. Imagine being absolutely certain that the world ends tomorrow: that you're either going to heaven, or being left behind with the damned after devoting your life to worshipping him. How would you feel? How would you spend your last day? I'd have thought that if you're one of the elect, there isn't much you could do in 24 hours to lose your place, and therefore spending the day leafleting wouldn't be your first choice. In fact, as all the sects believe that only a small number get Raptured, I'd bin the leaflets. They're your competition! I'd keep very quiet about it. Unless you're the smug type of course. But gloaters might get a beating, and deservedly so. Is gloating a sin?

How considerate of God to get my grandmother a place early, beating the rush, and to wait until my brother's birthday (today) is over. Personally, I'm looking forward to burgling the houses of the Godly.

Needless to say, the satirical responses are legion - even Doonesbury has spent the week teasing the gullible (start here and keep clicking 'next'). But very few people have considered the practicalities. So here's some useful advice for our devout friends:

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