So is it acceptable? I thought there'd be a rule against it, given the obvious inequalities of power and the opportunities for corruption, exploitation, blackmail and nastiness. Even a mature student would exist within a hierarchy of authority which would make a relationship dubious. However, although these relationships are banned in most US colleges and frowned upon in this country, it's not specifically forbidden.
Quite frankly, I like a lot of my students, and would join you for a chat if we met in the pub, but there's no way I'd date one of you. I'm too old and too boring, and you're too young. What would we have to talk about?
Most importantly, there's the matter of professional standards. Dating someone you're meant to help educate seems exploitative, and the teaching situation is highly charged as it is. A teacehr asking a student out seems abusive to me: behind the individual request is the authority of an institution, the power inherent in the teacher's role, and a degree of droit de seigneur - all of which would potentially intimidate a student of any age. Last semester I spent several weeks discussing love, sex and gender in poetry, to an all-female class (some males were meant to attend but rarely did), one session of which was observed by my teaching mentor. If I'd been having a relationship with a student in that class, all pretence of professional objectivity, fairness and equality would have gone. These subjects need talking about, but all parties need to know that they're being treated seriously and fairly: this couldn't have happened if I'd had an exclusive relationship with one person in that room.
What happens when you get a low mark from a lecturer you're dating (or a too-high one)? Relationships need emotional and experiential equality, not an extension of the learning process. Are there positive outcomes from such relationships? I can't think of one.
What do you think? No personal comments, however (I was surprised by some personal comments on Module Evaluation forms this year). Let's keep it conceptual.
9 comments:
I haven't really thought this through, and it's a tough one with a lot of hidden corners. Although a relationship with someone you ACTUALLY teach or someone who teaches you is pretty much fatal for all the reasons you cite Vole, I don't think that the intellectual and social distance between most staff and most students is always that great: I have more in common with a few of my students than ANY of my sisters-in-law or many a John or Jane Doe of around my age (including the man with a UKIP poster next door) if you see my point. Most of my friends were once students, as were all of my partners in my later sad and serially monogamous life (read 'the last 30 years') and since becoming a student I have met all of my partners in academic environments. The power differential in staff/student relationships is pretty insuperable, but MOST academics are 1: decent enough not to exploit it and 2: desperate, lonely and possibly alcoholic enough to take advantage of some of the more above-board opportunities for meaningful companionship that might present themselves. That said, differences in age rule out, as you say, most relationships between staff and students. And as for surreptitious bonking, that is far too potentially abusive (unless you don't have any but the vaguest institutional connection and are presumably drunk. Probably).
Very boringly I agree with you Voley, you shouldn't be allowed to date anyone you teach, ever, no exceptions. The only time I think a staff student relationship would be OK is if a PhD student was to date a lecturer who taught a different subject, I'd say the power imbalance wouldn't be to great and there's little opportunity for conflict of interest, but having said which I wouldn't want to be that student or lecturer and be at the mercy of the Uni rumourmill... Maybe others will think I'm being condescending (apologies) but I feel the power imbalance between undergrad and lecturer is too great. I'd say it's less an issue of age and more one of experience; generally PhD students are party to the office politics, undergrads are not. I'd worry undergrads may think they're engaging in some illicit exciting adventure which they may later regret, and they make think the lecturer should be the responsible/mature party in the relationship but that doesn't mean they will be! Equally lecturers have to think of their reputations; universities are rife with gossip and backstabbing - do you really want to give others more ammunition? So I'd say enter into such relationships at your peril!
All that is sound good sense - though I wouldn't take any chances in a litigious age.
We are a pretty dysfunctional lot - and we never meet anybody outside these walls. Book shops are meant to be good places to meet fellow readers - but I wouldn't want to interrupt anyone while reading. They can respond unpredictably. Especially those reading Andy McNab (not that I'd date a fan of fascist nonsense).
I'm also going to be boring and agree with all of this. What I will say though is that I think "staff" probably worry about this subject more than students.
A male in a class/lecture room will be a billion times more likely to be "looking" at the pretty female students and not the teacher/lecturer.
Some things haven't changed since my student days then…
Agreed. It seems to be more of a fantasy subject then something we see happening all over the place. As alluded to earlier its also more of a fatal attraction, a cheap thrill that will more than likely end in one of the outcomes mentioned in your post, Vole.
There's far too much at stake for both parties for it to be allowed to blossom.
But what about after University? If the lecturer quit and the student stayed on what would happen then? The student would obviously be in an advantageous position to other classmates, presuming the lecturer teaches the course they take.
What? Even if I'm wearing my fetching pink corduroys during my class on Loin Imagery in D.H. Lawrence? I think not...
Its all a bit wrong really isn't it. I can see why students maybe appealing to lecturers, after all intelligence is an appealing quality.
But I agree with what all you lovely people have said, there would be a heirachy situation.
When I was reading this blog post, I got the image in my head of that sketch in Little Britain - were a teacher goes out with an ex pupil. Checking her spelling in his birthday cards and making her spit chewing gum out before bedtime.
Funny yes, although rather cringeworthy.
In my post I meant to put I can see why lecturers are appealing to students..but im so stupid I don't know how to edit the post.
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