Wednesday, 9 December 2009

World's worst: an occasional series. 1: Kirstie Allsopp

Kirstie is a horrible Tory speculator who made a career on TV encouraging everyone to play the property market.

Last night, slipping in and out of consciousness, I dimly took in Kirstie's Homemade Christmas.

Her recipe: apparently, it's traditional to have a tree in your home at Christmas. Kitchens are popular places for people to congregate. Baubles go on Christmas trees (especially if you shop at Liberty or hand-blow your own glass. The rest of her tips were similarly either hugely patronisingly obvious, or astoshingly smug/expensive/impractical.

My perfect Christmas involves a fire, some real ales, and a wall of books cutting me off from humanity. Balls to Kirstie's glass balls.

17 comments:

Benjamin Judge said...

Step the fun back there Mr Vole. You leave Kirstie the fun alone.

You might want to get drunk and burn books (I presume that is what that last bit alludes to) but some of us like a bit of expensive impracticality during the festive season.

Is there some crime in just enjoying Christmas?

Graham Quirk said...

Thankfully i didn't have to listen to her (my wife was watching it) as i took delivery of the 'Lloyd Cole and the Commotions at the bbc' boxset yesterday. So i sat with my ipod on, pretending not to cry at forest fire for a bit.

Ewarwoowar said...

Graham Quirk - you absolutely win at life. Congratulations!

Despite being a horrid Tory speculator, as you mentioned, I think she's quite attractive, so nyerrr!

The Plashing Vole said...

Sorry everybody. I love Christmas. Glass of something warming, good book, wood fire.

But Kirstie's so patronising and full of false bonhomie.

Graham: that Lloyd Cole collection's brilliant. Ben would hate it, but I've a huge soft spot for wet 80s indie. Must play it tonight. Or perhaps some Felt.

Demented Demon. said...

Shouldn't we be discussing the PRB rather than the curvy Kirstie? Vole is right, like many patronising shows at the moment (ITV's Christmas tale with Fiona Phillips is not ideal before venturing to a club) and I hope Darling's new taxing system leads to her eventual fall from grace and to embark on a career as one of Tiger Wood's many sexual dalliances.

Demented Demon. said...

* Bollocks, I confused myself with the Pre Raphaelite Brotherhood and Pre Budget Report.

Ewarwoowar said...

Easily done, DD.

Can someone buy me that boxset for my birthday? Actually, no, wait, it's on Spotify. Marvellous.

Benjamin Judge said...

Don't tell me I would hate Lloyd Cole & The Commotions. I was listening to it the first time it came out.

Benjamin Judge said...

It being the band not the boxset

Graham Quirk said...

aah serendipity rears its head. I played in a band with Gary Ainge for a short time (felt drummer) still got the demo kicking around somewhere. He was far too good for us. It was a bit like Keith Moon turning up at a Dave Clark five rehearsal. He had a strange habbit of drinking cans of beer behind his kit and filling them again almost immediately. If you catch my drift.

The Plashing Vole said...

Quality rock and roll anecdote Graham. What was your band called? Any good?

The Plashing Vole said...

Ben, you liking something once doesn't mean that you won't despise it at a later date. As you well know.

kajvhag said...

She is the daughter of some lord or other - and it shows everytime she opens her mouth. My friend unfortunately lives in the house next to the one featured in the series. She regularly closes all the public access roads in the area for filming - and has stolen land off all the neighbours!Balls indeed!

The Plashing Vole said...

That's how the aristocracy became the landed aristocracy. They'll be in charge next year… the future is Kirstie Allsopp stamping on your face for ever.

Ewarwoowar said...

Dunno, that sounds quite erotic, tbf.

The Plashing Vole said...

You disgusting pervert.

Graham Quirk said...

Beware the ministry of chintz. That band was called 'western', it wasn't very good but did have Terry Miles on keys, so can't have been all bad. I can't find the demo or i would try and upload it. I've been in lots of others since. I met Lawrence from felt one night, he told me about his new diet. He called it 'sweets and meat', a kind of predecessor to the atkins. He was about 8 stone. personally, I think the heroin had more to do with it.