Tuesday, 12 May 2009
Happy birthday, yet another sister
May is very expensive, or it would be were I a more generous man. Dad, two sisters, my brother and an uncle, plus numerous friends and colleagues were all born in May. What was going on in August? Today is my second-youngest sister's birthday - 26 (I hope), and she's marrying in July too. I remember the flush of youth. Awful. Not nearly enough to be bitter and snarky about. Wait! Yes there was! It's other people who enjoyed their youth! Bastards.
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I suggest that you fall out with your sisters' partners. I have 3 brothers (whose birthdays aren't just close: 4 of us share just 2 dates) and they all married Stepford witches. Over time, I fell out with them all, and now ignore my brothers' birthdays because of their proven poor taste in spouses. I still sends cards, of course, but I hardly ever see my brothers. Easy on the pocket though.
Alright, three siblings come with a lot of birthday and trying-to-like-partners responsibilities. On the plus side, it means an awful lot of presents and attention when my birthday comes round which, unfortunately, is only once a year in my case (there are exceptions to this rule - see the Queen).
P.s.: Sorry, Cynical Ben. I'm not meaning to post as what you call anonymous, but my computer is not letting me give you my true identity. I still like camels, though.
I have 5 siblings, all of whom have somehow acquired pleasant partners/spouses (I haven't met one of them). I try to warn them but they just won't learn. I'll be bankrupted if they all start breeding (as will the planet). I usually fall out with the siblings rather than their spouses. We're like the Mitfords in that regard: mostly living in different countries and always on 'non-speakers' with at least one of the others.
That's bad. Although a barren intellectual myself, I have 5 nephews and 2 nieces. However, since I was underpaid, unemployed or a student for most of my life, I've always shirked the buying of presents treadmill. Raskalnikov's sister in that Dostoevsky novel works her fingers to the bone in order to buy cards and trinkets for others. I read that book young and it stayed with me. Look for pressies in vain my child.
See, kids? Literature holds the key to all our problems.
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