Scientologists: as ***** as "Dr" Gillian McKeith "PhD"?

Some organisations haven't worked out that responding to every little pinprick with a hammer makes you look oppressive and moronic.

Hot on the heels of Shitty Gill's Twitter foolishness comes the "Church" of "Scientology". Rather narked by a Welsh Councillor's description of them as 'stupid', they're trying to have him sacked because his Twitter account was "CllrJohnDixon" and therefore 'official' - which seems moronic. Even worse, they claim that the use of 'stupid' is an attack on 'religious freedom' - as if having an opinion is unacceptable.

Now, I've got a title too. It's 'Dr', and it's a real one, from a genuine accredited university with a letterhead and everything. I also have a job.

So with my PhD, I think I can confidently provide a list of adjectives for Scientology to go alongside the stupidity. Let's see if they try to get me fired.

Sinister
Creepy
Nautical
anti-scientific, despite the name
Made-up (like all religions but in a rather more business-like fashion)
the Goldman Sachs of religions
Litigious
Humourless
Bonkers
Disgraceful, opportunistic, shameless and tasteless

Can you think of any more words for them, children? For a cult invented by a terrible science fiction writer in the 1950s because it was lucrative and tax-efficient? For a group obsessed with recruiting the rich, the famous and the powerful, one which treats its own members badly and preys on the vulnerable, weak and lonely?

Oh yes. It's a religion.

Gillian McKeith: the pooh thickens

Gillian McKeith (or 'Shitty Gill' as I call her because her main interest is in analysing other people's excrement) seems to understand she could be in legal hot water after libelling Dr Ben Goldacre: she called him a liar on Twitter, presumably for pointing out that her 'doctorate' is from a now-defunct unaccredited correspondence college and referenced weirdo magazines rather than peer-reviewed science,and that her prestigious diploma from the American Association of Nutritional Consultants was also available to his dead cat, that some of her 'herbal' remedies were illegal, that her scientific claims were from the land of make-believe and that she'd been forced to stop calling herself Doctor.

Hilariously, her (or someone's) response was to delete the libellous Tweets - but not properly -  then remove the links to her Twitter page from her own website, then post a few weird messages claiming that it wasn't actually her Twitter feed - despite linking to it ('Follow Me On Twitter') in her own newsletter! Unconvincing, and as responsible as an 8 year-old caught eating jam from the pot.

The whole weird story is here, with all the technical detective work explained. I'm loving this.

Gillian McKeith "PhD": join the party

Yesterday I took my own institution to task for offering disgraceful, unjustifiable 'degrees' in 'Complementary Health' - fraud at its worst.

So I should point you in the direction of Shitwoman, aka "Dr" Gillian McKeith "PhD". I worked hard for my PhD. In return for several years of pain and misery, I get to inflict the same on my students until I'm sacked. McKeith, on the other hand, bought her PhD from an unaccredited correspondence course woo-monger in the US (now closed) with a piece of work which references only weirdo magazines rather than, y'know, scientific research: Ben Goldacre bought the same membership for his dead cat.

She claims, amongst other things, that you can have "too little" DNA which can be fixed with dietary changes, and that eating chlorophyll will oxygenate your guts (chlorophyll produces oxygen in leaves when light strikes them). Not much light up my bottom, and any leaves I've eaten are definitely dead.

Shitty Gill's "PhD" got her a range of nonsense food products and a disgusting Channel 4 program in which she shouted at fat poor people.

that’s the most sinister feature of the whole nutritionist project, graphically exemplified by McKeith: it’s a manifesto of rightwing individualism – you are what you eat, and people die young because they deserve it. They choose death, through ignorance and laziness, but you choose life, fresh fish, olive oil, and that’s why you’re healthy. You’re going to see 78. You deserve it. Not like them.

But genuine public health interventions to address the real social and lifestyle causes of disease are far less lucrative, and far less of a spectacle, than anything a food crank or a TV producer would ever dream of dipping into. What prime-time TV series looks at food deserts created by giant supermarket chains, the very companies with which stellar media nutritionists so often have lucrative commercial contracts? What show deals with social inequality driving health inequality? Where’s the human interest in prohibiting the promotion of bad foods; facilitating access to nutrient-rich foods with taxation; or maintaining a clear labelling system? Where is the spectacle in “enabling environments” that naturally promote exercise, or urban planning that prioritises cyclists, pedestrians and public transport over the car? Or reducing the ever-increasing inequality between senior executive and shop-floor pay?

Then the Advertising Standards Authority told her to drop "Dr" from her products, and the Medicines and Healthcare Regulatory Authority made her withdraw her 'sex pills' as illegal. She lied about the reasons for their withdrawal (no pun intended) in the press. Read the whole hilariously depressing story (including the cat) here.

Why am I bothering with her now? Because she's been bullying someone on Twitter and calling Ben Goldacre a liar. I hope he sees her in court and I'll donate to his legal fees gladly.

More news from the nineteenth-century

Morning all. How about another instalment from the 1858 edition of the Times?

First up, a beautiful bit of name-dropping from the Crystal Palace Great Exhibition:

CRYSTAL PALACE–Ceramic Court.–Under the direction of Thomas Battam, Esq., F.S.A.– The EXHIBITION of ENAMELS, Porcelain, and Pottery, now contains examples from the collection of Her Majesty the Queen, the Duke of Devonshire, Earl Granville, Gen. the Hon E. Lygon, Baroness de Goldsmit, H. Danby Seymour, Esq., M. P., F. W. Fairholt, Esq., S. Addington, Esq., Dr. Sibson, F.R.S., J, Falcke, Esq., the Athenaeum, Stoke-upon-Trent, Messrs. Rittener and Saxby, Messrs. Hewitt, Madame Temple, &c., together with choice examples of the manufactures of Messrs. Minton, Copeland, Kerr and Burns. Ridgway and Co., Rose, Philips, &c., including the series of Ceramic works executed for the Art Union of London.

Health fads aren't restricted to our own times: the stupid and gullible rich have always been with us - no doubt Gillian McKeith and the Daily Mail would have given glowing endorsements for this detox treatment. The 'chronic diseases', I suspect, means syphilis.

DR. CAPLIN'S ELECTRO-CHYMICAL BATH ESTABLISHMENT, 9 York-place, Baker-street, Portman-square, for the extraction of mercury and other metallic or extraneous substances, and the treatment of chronic diseases. For the demonstration of this new system vide the second edition, price 1s., 8vo, of Dr. Caplin's Treatise on the Electro-Chymical Bath, and the Relation of Electricity to the Phenomena of Life, Health and Disease, Sold at the Authors Establishment.

Schoolboys have always lost their belongings:

MARGATE.–LOST, on board the Little Western, on Tuesday, July 27, a CARPET-BAG, containing

several articles of wearing apparel, belonging to a young gentleman on his way to school, and some

books with the name of "Herbert Radclyffe" in them. A REWARD will be given to any person returning

the bag to Mr. Dunn, packet-office, Margate.

That appalling vulture programme, Heir-hunters, has a long and dishonourable history too:

NEXT of KIN OFFICES, Doctors'-commons.–NEXT OF KIN WANTED, of many persons who died abroad,

for upwards of 80 years, leaving considerable property unclaimed, which may be recovered, and all

information obtained, through P. Mouillard and Co., Bell-yard, Doctors'-commons.

The world of commerce was bloody and unregulated - copyright was a relatively new idea and advertisers, then and now, were liars.

TO THE BOOKSELLING TRADE.–The COPYRIGHT of "NEVER TOO LATE TO MEND" reverted to Mr.

CHARLES READE on Monday last, Aug. 2, and is now his SOLE PROPERTY.–6, Bolton-row, Mayfair.

SEWING MACHINES.–Thomas v. Foxwell.– In consequence of the erroneous impression produced

by the advertisements which have been produced by Mr. Foxwell, Mr. THOMAS deems it necessary to

CAUTION the public that the verdict in the above action declared that Mr. Foxwell's machines

were an infringement upon his patent, and to state that there has been no decision that his patent is

void. The Court of Queen's Bench held the claim in Mr. Thomas's patent for the general arrangement

of his sewing machinery to be good, and the adverse decision referred to in Mr. Foxwell's advertisements

had reference to a subordinate claim only, which, with the permission of Her Majesty's Attorney-General,

has since been struck out of the specification. Proceedings will be taken against all parties continuing,

after this notice, to USE or SELL SEWING MACHINES made in violation of Mr. Thomas's patent, or

containing any material part of his invention.–Dated August 4.

WILSON and BRISTOWS, 1 Copthall-buildings,

Solicitors for Mr. Thomas.

Holidays and attraction tomorrow.