Roll up, Roll up! All the fun of the fair!

So what do they do for fun in 1858 Britain? They could go to the zoo:

THE ZOOLOGICAL GARDENS, Regent's-park, are open daily, except on Sunday. Admission 1s, on Monday, 6d. Among the recent additions to the menagerie are the Mooruk from New Britain, and a magnificent leopard from Morocco. The band of the Royal Horse Guards will perform, by permission of Colonel the Right Hon. C. Forester, every Saturday, at 4 p.m.

The Mooruk is a variety of cassowary. This drawing is from the very bird advertised above, and New Britain is part of Papua New Guinea.

Alternatively, you could see the technological marvel of the age, launched this very year and destined to be a greater tourist attraction than commercial success:

THE GREAT EASTERN, lying off Deptford.– This STEAM SHIP will be OPEN for inspection daily, between the hours of 10 a.m. and 5 p.m. Admission, 2s.6d., each, by tickets, which may be obtained on board the ship ; of Mr. W. R. Sams, 1 St. James's-street ; or at the offices of the Company, 13, Gresham-street.

JOHN YATES, Secretary.

N. B. The Greenwich steamers call alongside the ship to embark and disembark visitors at the usual fares.

Alternatively, you could attend a summer fete and hear all the latest hits sung by the hottest stars, some of which are still sung, and all for charity, which was important for the rich to keep the poor subservient:

ROYAL SURREY GARDENS.– Grandest Fete of the Season,–20,000 persons are going to hear Madame Rudersdorff sing Robert toi qui j'aime, She wore a Wreath of Roses, and the Mile of Edinboro Town ; Miss Louisa Vinning sing Bel raggio, Home, sweet Home, and I wish I were a Fairy Queen ; Miss Dolby sing the Hundred Pipers, and two popular songs ; and Mr. Sims Reeves sing Death of Nelson, Good bye, Sweetheart, and the Last Rose of Summer; the Misses Wells, S. Cole, and L. Baxter ; Messrs. Wilbye Cooper, Lawler &c., Complete orchestra, on Wednesday August 11th, in Aid of the Cheesemongers Benevolent Institution. Magnificent Parisien Fete, commencing at 5; grand Concert at half-past 7 o'clock. Grand double display of fireworks, and Signor Duvalli's terrific ascent, surrounded by fireworks. Tickets 1s. ; numbered stalls, first circle (retainable the whole evening), 3s. ; second circle 2s. each, including admission to the Gardens,–of Messrs. Keith, Prowse and Co., 48, Cheapside ; Mr. Philpott, post-office, King William-street ; Mr. Wilcocke, Newington-causeway ; Mr. Pigott, Kennington-park ; any member of the Committee ; and of the Secretary, Mr. George Simpson, Bath-street, Newgate-street.

Duvalli was a tightrope walker and Rudersdorff was a famous soprano, 'an amazing woman weighing between two and three hundred pounds' whose son Richard Mansfield was a Ripper murder suspect. Underneath the fun of the fair was a dark side - but I'll leave that for tomorrow.

Keep on Ripping

Do you drink Relentless? It's one of those horrible energy drinks. I've always thought that there's a dark undertow to the name: there aren't many positive actions to which the adjective is attached. Relentless warfare? Relentless struggle? Above all, relentless stalking, rapist or serial killer. It just screams Travis Bickle.

I'm vindicated by the world view of these people. Own-brand versions of products can't afford to sit round thinking of euphemisms - they need to appeal directly to potential purchasers, and so often cut through the marketing guff to the heart of the product's selling point.

Asda's versions are Monster and Ripper. Are these positive? Do they bring to mind images of students consuming the product while the revise through the night? Or DJs spinning discs for an ecstatic, demanding public? Not to me they don't. They remind me of CIA torturers in Guantanamo Bay taking a break from extreme manicure, Ted Bundy, Jack the Ripper and the Yorkshire Ripper. It's always possible that 'Ripper' signifies a return to Enid Blyton's world of lashings of ginger beer and 'ripping' picnics - but it's rather a stretch.

Energy drinks - unleash your hidden rapist.