Forties, Cromarty, rising.

Radio 4, despite sometimes being self-absorbed and bourgeois, is one of the glories of Britain: informed, intelligent and varied. A particular jewel in the crown is the Shipping Forecast, in which a beautifully calm voice (Charlotte Green, Peter Jefferson) reads the special weather for boats, just before the (ugh) national anthem at 12.59 a.m. Fishermen don't listen to it and change course - they've got satellite feeds for that kind of thing. It's for insomniacs and night-owls.

Now one Jefferson is being sacked, allegedly not because he said 'fuck' under his breath after fluffing a link a few weeks ago, but because the BBC wants 'new' people to fill this five minute late-night slot. I'll miss him and don't think he should go. If they come for Charlotte, I'll be firebombing Broadcasting House.

Swine flu update

All showings of Babe in the City are henceforth banned.

Kermit has quarantined Miss Piggy.

Porky has been put to the sword.

Squealer, Napoleon and Snowball have been purged - they will never have existed once the records can be altered.

Piglet ran away in a cowardly fashion.

The third little piglet and the wolf have succumbed to the fever, as has Charlotte, thanks to Wilbur's cross-species overfamiliarity.

This flu clearly originated with The Black Pig - the northern Irish symbol of evil and death.

Albrecht, you poor deluded man

Albrecht objects (see comments) to my inclusion of Lauren Laverne in my list of strong women who aren't Margaret Thatcher.

Well, little Albrecht, you must be quite young if you don't remember the glorious splash made by Kenickie, which consisted of aforesaid Lauren, Marie du Santiago, Emmy-Kate and Johnny X (the runt of the litter). I think young Lauren has made the best of her talents - she's clearly the future of Radio 4 (I hope) and all other thoughtful outlets. If we have to have under-informed celebrities fronting anything vaguely cultural (so as not to scare off ver kids), at least Lauren's genuinely curious and eager to learn.

Damn. I forgot Charlotte Green. And Jessica Stevenson.