'All Grown Up': the politics edition

A while back, I joked on Twitter that the Daily Mail's paedophilic tendencies (look out for 'all grown up', which means 'everybody look at this child's breasts') meant that its coverage of Obama's election victory would major on lubricious references to his underage daughters' appearances. LULZ all round from my Twitter massive (currently 1001 strong).

In an idle moment, I decided to test my thesis.

Mommy's girl grown up: How Malia Obama has blossomed from an awkward teen to America's next  icon as she follows in the First Lady's footsteps

Oh dear. I won't reproduce the images partly because that's how the Mail fills its pages, and because I know my readers aren't the type to leer over little girls.

Looking every bit as poised and elegant as her mother, the long-limbed first daughter has taken the awkward out of adolescence with ease.

That's right. Mommy's legal. And Malia looks just like her. So it's OK to lick your screen in a frenzy of lust. Get a load of those legs!

the 14-year-old blossoming from the President's wide-eyed 'baby' into a self-assured young woman

Oh yeah. You know what they're saying. 'Blossoming'. She's open for business, ladies and gentlemen.

'The torch has been passed,' said the designer Gregory Parkinson, who sent out a press release after a recent sighting of the White House's resident teenager

'I have every right to alert the nation to the sexual development of a 14 year-old girl' said paedophile-enabling attention-seeker Gregory Parkinson as though he had any connection to the total stranger at all, 'and rags like the Daily Mail will lap it up'.

Lucky magazine's executive fashion director, Alexis Bryan Morgan, told USA Today: 'I'm hard pressed to think of anyone, period, who had such great style potential at 14.

'It's any hack's right to comment on the physique of a teenage girl whose father is politically important' said Alexis Bryan Morgan. 'Mindless speculation and ludicrous statements about a child's 'style potential' is what modern journalism is all about. Come round to my house: I've a child even younger and you're welcome to write what you want. Oil up, gents!'

In case your excitement is waning, back to the body:

she embraces her lean figure
'She's smart in that she seems to be aware so many eyes are on her

Wonder how that came about?

Since turning 14 on Independence Day, she has slowly started to tick off some age-appropriate milestones - like her first mobile phone

Ah yes. The 'milestones' are coming. And we know there's one particular milestone the Mail has in mind. Like the Sun's countdown to Charlotte Church's age of consent. Though from the text, the legal niceties don't seem so important to the paper or its writers.

In fact, it seems the only person struggling with Malia's coming-of-age is the President himself

In another piece about how the Obamas try to keep their children out of the public eye (illustrated with dozens more photos), the old grump is quoted as saying:

'I'm very keen on protecting her privacy'.

What an old fuddy-duddy he must be, getting all huffy when popular newspapers invite readers to linger over the 'long-limbed' child. After all, we all know that any adolescent's psychological health is aided by being leched over in the press. 

I wonder how all this (and the dozens of accompanying photographs) fit the PCC code section 6 clause V:

Editors must not use the fame, notoriety or position of a parent or guardian as sole justification for publishing details of a child’s private life.

On other pages: 'Outrage as more celebrity paedos outed'.