Fat man tells us to tighten our belts

Depressingly, the Tories have pulled what's known in the game as an Alan Sugar - get some smug fat rich greedy selfish bastard from 'business' to park his arse on a plush seat and tell the government how to be 'efficient' in exchange for a peerage.

This time, the Tory Scum and their Lib Dem groundskeepers have pulled a blinder. They've called in Sir Philip Green.

Who?

He owns most of your high street shops. Or rather - for tax purposes - his wife does (how I hope she'll divorce him). They live in Monaco, which is conveniently out of reach of the UK tax man. So Porky Phil pays his wife £1.2 billion from company profits earned in Britain and evades paying taxes or as the Guardian puts it

a man who is careful to arrange his own finances so as not to needlessly benefit the common weal. Though he may run a tight ship in his businesses, in private Sir Philip is a hedonistic voluptuary, whose permatanned corpulence bears witness to his lifestyle as accurately as Cripps's own skeletal physique did in the 1940s.

It is hard to put it better than the man who, during the election, reacted to the endorsement of the Conservative anti-tax campaign by Sir Philip and other big business beasts by saying: "I have no time for billionaire tax dodgers who step off the plane from their tax havens into the country where they make their money and have the effrontery to tell us how to vote and how to run our tax policies. If some of them came onshore and paid their taxes it would make a useful dent in the budget deficit." Fine words from Vince Cable. Now stand by them. 

How Day 1 won't go in his new job:

Prime Minister: So, Sir Phil. How are we going to get out of the red?
Green stuff: Well PM, how about I and everyone like me start paying tax like the poor have to, instead of just bunging your party a few million every now and then?
PM: Intriguing idea. It might just work.