Friday 23 January 2009

The death list - more candidates

Late addition to the death list. My aunt Clodagh suggests that golfers and bridge players belong there. I'm not bothered about bridge - I gather that it's quite a good game played by the moneyed classes, but golfers will certainly be dealt with harshly, in the early days of my regime. In fact, why waste all those useful cells in Guantanamo Bay? We can re-use them for real offenders. Where to start with golfers? The cliquishness? The racism? The sartorial horrors? The greedy, polluting, water-hungry courses which are nothing but green deserts, maintained by huge quantities of pesticides and an anal approach to plantlife? The fact that they all vote Tory, mostly hate women and behave as though it's the outdoors branch of the Masons? (Obviously golf isn't quite the same in some areas of Scotland and Ireland). Not a sport. Just a way of filling in time before you die which doesn't involve meeting the poor, the black and the intelligent. 

Conclusive evidence: Donald Trump and his bullying tyrannical (successful) campaign to turn a pristine stretch of Scottish coastline into another course for dull blowhards. Plus of course the Spanish coastline - concrete and golf courses causing endless drought. If you're out for a walk and get caught short, avail yourself of the facilities found in the centre of the green…

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