Money matters

Cynical Ben encourages us to buy art, and to list the five best things on which you've lavished money, as he's done. Being Ben, his list is erudite, varied and heartfelt.

Being me, mine isn't. I'm not very good with money. I either spend it like water, or hoard it. I've saved recently, but am now about to blow it on rent for a rather expensive flat, and enough bookcases to hold my extensive library and record (yes, records) collection - a product of my unthrifty ways. I'm so bad with money (and avoided gainful employment for so long) that I once had to sell 400 of my rarest 7" records merely to eat one summer. How I regret doing so.

However: good buys, excluding my books and records.

My Berghaus walking boots. I'm not very practical and had never owned any hiking gear before, so assumed that I'd automatically make the wrong choice, then spend a year acquiring painful blisters while dragging along half a mile behind the other Map Twats. Amazingly enough, they're warm, watertight, close-fitting and comfortable, much more so than my beloved DMs.

My Mac. It just works.

The Mont Blanc pen I bought to celebrate getting my PhD. I never use it though.

I have a couple of beautiful suits, which hide my hideous flabby carcass on special occasions.

The wrecked Moulton bicycle I have in the shed. It's almost 50 years old, revolutionary in design, and new ones are £6000-10000: I'll get mine restored one day.

Bamboo rice/veg steamers. £2.50, work perfectly and efficiently, and are environmentally friendly.

I just need to unload

I've seen some strange things today (and yesterday).

The Waterstones notice above the cycling books reading 'Peddle Power' - I don't think it was a sophisticated joke about selling cycling books.

Also on cycling-related matters, I treated myself to new handlebar tape, lights, lock and pump today. I didn't choose the lights available for £423.99! Now, I love cycling gadgetry. My ultimate bike is the Moulton New Series Double Pylon (c. £10,000) though any Moulton would be heaven. I have a 196os Moulton F-Frame (not my bike pictured) which needs serious restoration by an expert before I can ride it and an old Viscount racer which Neal's done up for me. But. Almost £500 for a set of lights. That's not rational.

Outside the bike shop, a man listens to a radio pressed to his ear. A silent radio. They're coming, you know.

Finally, some etiquette advice. If you go into a local pub in the UK, you don't take the stool at the end of the bar. It belongs to someone called Bob, even if he's not there. Even if you've been coming to this pub for 10 years. Even if Bob's dead. It's his place. Likewise at the swimming pool, there's a system called queuing, which is a fair way of providing space according to the order in which people arrive. I've been swimming three times a week for a year now, so I'm not Bob, but I know who the Bobs are. They arrive early, queue and wait patiently, swim in a stately fashion and nobody gets in their way.

Today, we were all patiently waiting for the 11 o'clock shift. At 11.55, two women walk in and go straight to the front. They object to waiting until 11 and stay at the head of the queue. Then when they appear in the pool, they hog a lane to themselves. Which is fine, if they're going to use it. But they don't. I did my 44 lengths in the time they took to do 7, in between a lot of chatting and standing around in such a way that nobody else could use it. Selfish gits. Sorry, it's really annoyed me: public amenities should be used with regard for the needs of others - it's how community works.

Oh yes, the other weird thing. Listening to the posh bloke (Ed Stourton) on Radio 4's Today programme, playing and discussing Slayer. Apparently the band's very popular amongst US soldiers as a soundtrack to killing Iraqis.