Showing posts with label monarchy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label monarchy. Show all posts

Friday, 1 June 2012

Bah, jubilee humbug.

Nothing but versatile, I'll follow my previous post about brilliant No. 1 singles with a bit of poetry to mark the Jubilee. Given my hard left republican (and Republican) sympathies, you'll not be too surprised at my antipathy towards the royals. Not just British royals, mind you: all of them. If only Cromwell hadn't spent so much time murdering the Irish he'd be in my pantheon. I guess Winstanley will have to do. I'm a citizen of a Republic: if I persuade enough people, I could be President. Whereas here, I'm afraid I'll have to stage a violent coup, which is such hard work. Just running the inevitable camps will take up half my time. 


As I may have mentioned recently, I was appalled to discover that the new patron of the School Games is prince Harry. What a way to miss the point: inspire kids to work their damnedest to achieve their goals… by putting a man who inherited wealth and position at their head. 


Anyway, here's a poem from a part of the world the British have forgotten. Remember: while you lot swig Pimms and wave flags for a weekend, Ulster Loyalists live it day in, day out. They really mean it. How I wish they didn't. 


This is 'Wounds', by Michael Longley. 



Here are two pictures from my father’s head—
I have kept them like secrets until now:
First, the Ulster Division at the Somme
Going over the top with ‘Fuck the Pope!’
‘No Surrender!’: a boy about to die,
Screaming ‘Give ’em one for the Shankill!’
‘Wilder than Gurkhas’ were my father’s words
Of admiration and bewilderment.
Next comes the London-Scottish padre
Resettling kilts with his swagger-stick,
With a stylish backhand and a prayer.
Over a landscape of dead buttocks
My father followed him for fifty years.
At last, a belated casualty,
He said — lead traces flaring till they hurt —
‘I am dying for King and Country, slowly.’
I touched his hand, his thin head I touched.
Now, with military honours of a kind,
With his badges, his medals like rainbows,
His spinning compass, I bury beside him
Three teenage soldiers, bellies full of
Bullets and Irish beer, their flies undone.
A packet of Woodbines I throw in,
A lucifer, the Sacred Heart of Jesus
Paralysed as heavy guns put out
The night-light in a nursery for ever;
Also a bus-conductor’s uniform—
He collapsed beside his carpet-slippers
Without a murmur, shot through the head
By a shivering boy who wandered in
Before they could turn the television down
Or tidy away the supper dishes.
To the children, to a bewildered wife,
I think ‘Sorry Missus’ was what he said.

Monday, 31 October 2011

So much for democracy…

This is astonishing: the Royal Family is rich. I mean stinking rich. So rich that King Croesus would be jealous. It's the deal made with the royals in 1660: the British said that they could come back and have all the palaces/jewels/courtesans/counties they wanted, as long as they kept out of politics. A deal, incidentally, that the royals have frequently broken.  

Ministers have been forced to seek permission from Prince Charles to pass at least a dozen government bills, according to a Guardian investigation into a secretive constitutional loophole that gives him the right to veto legislation that might impact his private interests.
Since 2005, ministers from six departments have sought the Prince of Wales' consent to draft bills on everything from road safety to gambling and the London Olympics, in an arrangement described by constitutional lawyers as a royal "nuclear deterrent" over public policy. Unlike royal assent to bills, which is exercised by the Queen as a matter of constitutional law, the prince's power applies when a new bill might affect his own interests, in particular the Duchy of Cornwall, a private £700m property empire that last year provided him with an £18m income.

But it's emerged today that Prince Charles has been given the right to veto or amend legislation which might affect his £700m private business, and he's exercised that right. This, British readers, is what makes you subjects rather than citizens. We elect people to act in our collective interests, and they act in the interests of their friends and the aristocracy. We get poorer, sicker and thicker, they get richer and richer.

Tuesday, 28 July 2009

The Map Whats?

Lou asked in a comment why we're called the Map Twats and whether the second word has acquired a new meaning.

Er… it has for us, denoting four idiots in the countryside rather than a crude term for pudenda. I wasn't present for the inaugural meeting, but the name springs from a discussion between Neal, Cynical Ben and Dan about an imaginary TV show in which some thirty-something fools get lost in the country but always find a pub. The soundtrack was to be (and this is Neal's fault), Cliff Richard's Way Out In The Country, which apparently features the lines 'You're going to find me/way out in the country'.

My contribution to celebrity culture is a porn mag for monarchists, featuring cadet members of the royal family: Barely Regal.

Still available for weddings, barmitzvahs and children's parties…