Reading this blog may warp your fragile little minds.

I feel like I should be wearing some kind of medallion, because I'm clearly a serious threat to public morality. That's right: Plashing Vole is BLOCKED under 02's 'Parental Control' settings.

Oh yeah. My stern critiques of Michael Gove, neoliberalism and bad books are TOO HOT for impressionable young minds. Still, I've got a way to go: 02 still thinks this is an 'Educational Site' and adults are still able to read the poisonous filth dripping from my keyboard. I'm not as dangerous as some other depraved sites which have been blocked under the default safety rules: Childline, Refuge and on BT:

 "sites where the main purpose is to provide information on subjects such as respect for a partner, abortion, gay and lesbian lifestyle, contraceptive, sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy."

Oh, and 'esoteric material', which I would hope to qualify for one day. It's fascinating that the primary moral fear in the UK is sexuality, rather than say, violence. What's next though? Once sex has been banned from the internet, will politics and religion become verboten? I think of David Cameron as an even less intelligent version of Dolores Umbridge:

'For the greater good. I want to do what must be done. '
'Let us preserve what must be preserved, perfect what can be perfected and prune practices that ought to be... prohibited!'

Dolores was as keen on stifling free speech as our current government which – I should point out – ran for office on platforms of increasing civil liberties after New Labour's absurdly authoritarian behaviour.

One of JK Rowling's greatest creations, Dolores hides a vicious hatred of dissent, enjoyment, citizen autonomy and freedom of speech and assembly under the guise of concern for morality and young minds. She's a mix of Michael Gove and Mary Whitehouse. In fact, I might start a campaign to rename ISP censorship Dolores' Law.

As an aside, I remember some pompous Tory MP demanding in Parliament that David Cameron stop his kids viewing porn. Given that the Tories are thoroughly against the Nanny State and Big Government, I wrote to him suggesting that rather than relying on laws and technical fixes, he could educate his children and/or keep an eye on their browsing choices himself. Sadly, he couldn't find time to reply.

If anyone would like to test the new Cameron Filters on their ISPs, do let me know if I've been declared a Public Enemy via other services. If you can still get in touch, that is.

They'll never take me alive!

Everyday is like Sunday…

I've popped home to see the aged parents for a day or so - I've got a taste for greenery now, and I couldn't abide being in Wolves while it's packed with triumphalist Wanderer's fans. Though it was really sweet to hear my boss and a student discussing their signing potential and premiership plans as though it was a proper grown-up football team. Still, it means that the mighty Stoke is still assured of an easy 6 points from West Mids teams despite West Brom's sad demotion. 

Today the spot list includes a gloriously unconcerned fox and two ostriches. Yes, there are ostriches living in Wolverhampton - in the yard of a pet shop near the railway viaduct. I wouldn't have seen them if I'd taken the train, but because it's a holiday weekend, we were packed into a coach which gave me the perfect vantage point to see these poor animals. 

I see the Observer's front page story is 'Key Minister savages PM over 'lamentable' failures'. As it's journalism, you have to overlook the two inaccuracies in 7 words - Hazel Blears isn't a key minister (the headline is an attempt to con people into buying the paper) and she doesn't 'savage' Brown, rather notes that some strategies haven't worked. 

Most astonishing of all, however, is the sub headline: 'We must appear more human - Blears'. Now, I've met Hazel Blears twice. The first time, she exuded all the warmth of a komodo dragon. The second time, the only connection between organic life and her was the komodo-like poison dripping from her lips (I say this as a Party member). You could easily find more empathy in your average traffic light than from Hazel. It's hard to describe how inhuman her little black button eyes are. Perhaps the closest I can get to summarising her is to say that she's the only person I've ever met who seems more real on television than in the flesh. If she zipped her head open like that Dr. Who episode, I wouldn't be at all surprised. She's classic New Labour, so obsessed with purging the few remaining socialists in the party by promoting more and more rightwing ideas that she has no vision left at all - she's HAL, running forever with no discernible purpose other than to betray her comrades. The only human character she reminds me of is Dolores Umbridge from one of the Harry Potter books - a threatening sweet smile which only accentuates the horror. 

There, that feels better.