My plan for the public sector deficit

As you may have noticed, the UK is paying for the bank rescue by cutting services to the poor, the sick and the old.

This seems a bit unfair.

I was looking at my local council results (35 Labour, 22 Tory, 3 Lib Dem) and had a brainwave.

People who vote Tory actually WANT public services to be cut. Lib Dem voters don't mind these attacks on the fabric of society. Other voters don't want these cuts.

So: simply target all these cuts on Tory and Lib Dem wards and constituencies. If your ward voted for the coalition, we close your library and Sure Start centre. We reduce the bin collections and switch off the street lights. We cut down on police patrols, lollipop ladies, school meals and all the other things you pay for. Everywhere else gets to keep the services they voted for. If your political philosophy is right, your areas will thrive and the Labour areas will sink into resentful, feather-bedded dependency.

Think of it as being freed to engage with the Big Society. I don't see a down side to this.

Cut here

Hilarious. Poor old Paxman. He's rather lost it recently.

Have deckchair, will sail!

My mother, as I reported, bought me a deck chair.

Now that the government's decided to build new aircraft carriers but not put any aircraft on them (and to sell the billion-pound vehicle after three years), I have a deck on which to place my chair. This ship is going to wander around the world with absolutely nothing to do, then be sold off at a catastrophic loss if it isn't sunk by Afghan mujahideen first.

The Royal Navy will have to wait 10 years until as many as 50 new joint striker aircraft can be launched using the catapult and trap system – "cat and trap" – from the new Prince of Wales aircraft carrier. This will be the second of the new aircraft carriers to be built at a combined cost of £5.9bn. The first aircraft carrier – the Queen Elizabeth – will be in service between 2016-19 as a helicopter carrier before it is mothballed, known as "extended readiness", and possibly sold off.

Really, what an utter waste of time and money. Why not employ all those shipbuilders in making science research vessels or free yachts for all? If the money's to be spent, spend it on something useful.

Still, anyone for deck tennis? Quoits? We're going to have a lot of fit, suntanned sporty sailors ready for the Olympics!

Oh yes: this just in from the Department of Bullshit

Cameron later reassured Barack Obama that Britain would remain a "first rate military power and a robust ally of the US".

We think we've got problems

Over at Cardiff Uni, they're savagely slashing continuing education courses and jobs - mostly in humanities. It's clearly a matter of profit-seeking rather than being committed to the intrinsic benefits of education. With the posh universities, extramural/continuing education are tempting targets because they hardly see themselves as part of the local community in the way that Wolves Uni does. Who cares about a few poxy beginners' Welsh courses if you can spend that money on importing a Nobel laureate? I'm a double graduate of the University of Wales (Bangor), which took a completely different view, and managed to attract students and staff from across the globe while simultaneously caring for the needs of the local community. Why can't Cardiff do the same?