Never let the bastards grind you down

I'm really pleased that the Secretary of State for Health can only carry out PR stunt visits to hospitals with the aid of a phalanx of cops and security guards. In this excellent video, an enraged doctor puts down his golf clubs to take up arms in defence of public health. This is what I want from the next 4 years until the election: a government forced to duck and weave as angry citizens make their disapproval manifest - not smug rich men behaving as though they were elected with a huge majority and solid mandate. Nobody voted for the privatisation of the NHS, policing and education, but that's what's happening. That gives us the right to harass, heckle and torment these arrogant bastards every time they appear in public.



Meanwhile, just because it's being going through my head all day, and it's a brilliant burst of feminist enthusiasm and musical genius, Bikini Kill's 'Rebel Girl'.

A Day in the life of Andrew Lansley

I have to say, I massively enjoyed the health secretary getting a bollocking from the massed ranks of angry citizens this morning. Conveniently enough, there's dramatic reconstruction available, from the wonderful The Thick of It:

The mob's got nothing on Lansley

The Health Secretary has cracked the problem of NHS funding: his face. 

The Conservative cabinet minister's face appears on bedside entertainment systems on a continuous loop saying that their care "really matters to me" and asking them to thank NHS staff.

If they want to turn him off, they have to register under a system which sees patients charged more than £5 a day to access TV, email and phone services.

he insisted he was delivering "a useful message" and pointed out that patients had the choice of watching something more interesting – if they registered

I can only applaud. £5 per day to avoid his smirking contempt is a bargain, despite it being extortionate. It comes to £1825 per year, a mere £1679.50 more expensive than the licence fee and £1393 cheaper than the basic Sky package. 


Still, when someone's weakened through illness, that's the best time to mug them. It horrifies me that hospitals are now seen as retail opportunities for a captive audience. I read recently that a hospital down south has a Marks and Spencer Food outlet. That really highlights the north/south divide: my local infirmary has a Greggs bakery, retailing bacon sandwiches, pasties and other assorted unhealthy products to the cardiac patients, morbidly obese and others. Local phone calls cost patients more than calling Australia from home: and it's old people on reduced incomes who spend most time in hospital. So much for joined-up health…


Sadly, the monitors don't play this Andrew Lansley song:





PS. I'm only joking about these charges making money for the NHS: it all goes to private companies like Hospedia.

Nurse! The screens!

Unpleasant privatisation-fixated Tory Health minister Andrew Lansley has added another glorious entry to the list of faux-apologies:

Andrew Lansley has said he is "sorry" for failing to communicate his plans for the NHS to health workers.  "I am sorry if what it is I am attempting to do is not communicated."

Clever. He's apologised for something nobody's accused him of. They voted (99% majority) that they have no confidence in him because of the 'reforms' he's imposing on the NHS, which will simply wreck it.

But he hasn't apologised for his stupid ideas. He's apologised for 'not communicating' them well. Nobody's made that claim. It's a Tory invention which they're pushing hard - the 'pause' in the legislation is so that Clegg, Cameron and Lansley can go on a sales trip, not question whether they've got it right.

The nurses understand what Lansley intends to do, very clearly. But in their professional opinions (and those of the doctors), it's madness.

Waffling about communications is a ruse, but a classic one beloved of politicians. They usually deploy the 'if' clause, as in 'if I've offended anyone by accusing my opponent of bestiality…'. Got to admire their rat-like cunning.

Doctors in Distress

Well, a partial victory for everybody except the Tories and their Lib Dem homunculi: a temporary suspension of the Health Bill and a massive amount of embarrassment for the government.

Andrew Lansley, the health secretary, has confirmed that the government will temporarily shelve the health bill. In a statement to the Commons, he said ministers would use the break "to pause, to listen and to engage with all those who want the NHS to succeed". There will be changes to the bill, he said. But he provided no detail as to what these amendments might be. Asked how long the new consultation period would last, he said "during the recess and beyond". At least one Labour MP urged Lansley to resign and at times Lansley appeared severely rattled. Labour's John Healey said Lansley was no longer in charge of health policy. David Cameron would decide what happened next, Healey suggested.

This is what the NHS should be, from the hilarious Doctor In The House series:



Unfortunately, the series rapidly declined as the makers struggled to cope with the advent of the jet age and the swinging 60s…

The multifarious charms of Andrew Lansley

He's the Health Secretary who repeatedly says 'evidence (and again)' when he means 'what I want to be true'. Think of him as a more prominent Uppal. Here's a nasty bit of ignorant snobbery from him:

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Andrew Lansley Rap

Occasionally I stray into the realm of politics, and even attempt humour and satire. I needn't bother - a young man has written this, which combines rude personal abuse with close analysis of the Health Secretary's ideologically-driven attempt to sell the NHS and allow junk-food and booze manufacturers to direct health initiatives. It's a masterpiece.