Happy Birthday, Neal

He strongly resembles Tom Cruise from the Magnolia era ('respect the cock' - I could have chosen a much more vomit-making picture) and he's a year closer to death. We'll be attending In The Loop at Wolverhampton Lighthouse at 5.40, then consuming curry before The Drunkening. All welcome to attend any or all component of the festivities.

And so to bed

Well, not quite. But I am going home now. I only ordered one book today (Vince Cable's The Storm), received Season one of the original Star Trek (for work, of course) and received the news that I don't have to appear in court tomorrow. This is always good to hear - my reign of terror continues.

Actually, I don't have to give evidence in a case because the defence have accepted my statement without question. It's true: I did fly in from Krypton, land on the hoodlum's head, melt his knife with laser eyes then delivered him to the Chief of Police with a tortured pun (actually, that last bit's quite true to life). I still have to attend the crown court for the more serious charges so I'll still get to shout 'You want the truth? You can't handle the truth', though I've never seen the whole film because the sight of Tom Cruise makes me grind my teeth and be randomly cruel to babies.

Neal: an apology

I described Neal as my 'trusty sidekick, The Green Cruiser', because he's green-minded and looks like Tom Cruise in his Magnolia period ('Respect the Cock' was TC's catchphrase). Neal objects to the 'sidekick' bit, which I withdraw. Clearly I'm one of nature's sidekicks. 

PS. A photo of Neal can be found here for any ladeez tempted by my description of him…

Celeb alert

David Beckham and Tom Cruise have taken up my beloved sport of fencing, according to the Torygraph. In a sport well-provided for in egos and moneybags, I'm not sure we need more, but it might be a good thing - Beckham alone will near-on double the percentage of working-class fencers (OK, slight exaggeration, but we're battling a certain reputation for snobbery still).