What you won't see on ITV

Tim Minchin was asked to write a song about Jesus for the Jonathan Ross show on ITV. It's mildly amusing, and therefore the best thing on any Jonathan Ross show.

Or it would have been if the ITV Director Peter Fincham hadn't had thrown all his toys out of the pram and cut the song from the show. Which means a) he's a coward and b) viewers will be faced with Jonathan Ross grovelling to Tom Cruise, and nobody wants that, surely?

I couldn't deprive you of such a treat.

Never forget 9/11

In case you think you might forget, you could buy this tasteful and coherent artwork: only $50

UKIP's poor relations also caught cheating

Merciless Public picks up on the story that the BNP's latest leaflet turns out to feature lots of happy smiling white people who aren't, well, British - or even British resident. 'Why we're all voting BNP' headlines some headshots of, amongst others, an Italian photographer's parents - and they aren't fascists. The images were from a stock photography site. Presumably the BNP couldn't find any supporters proud enough to pose - or any without a swastika tattoo on their foreheads. Two Americans feature, as well as an unfortunate British soldier who told the press that the BNP are 'scumbags' and 'I wouldn't vote for them in a million years'.

A few weeks ago, I objected to UKIP using Churchill to oppose the EU, despite Winston's keen support for a United States of Europe. Now, a BNP campaign seems similarly deceitful. It claims, much to the fury of religious leaders, that Jesus would vote BNP and quotes this legendary figure: 'If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you' (John 15:20). Presumably they couldn't find a biblical reference for 'wogs out'.

Are they really claiming that a Jewish asylum seeker (his parents fled to Egypt as soon as he was born, if you believe all this stuff) would identify with the BNP, who seem to me to be the likely persecutors? Clearly this Jesus bloke didn't have a problem with Arabs (unlike Israel now) and would no doubt be defending Muslim families from the BNP in Stoke, Blackburn, Gaza and elsewhere. I seem to remember that Jesus's people didn't exactly thrive in various countries in which the BNP's friends came to power.

I note that they've chosen a horrible sentimental Caucasian-style image of Jesus, of the kind that abounded in my Catholic schools. Perhaps they don't know where he was allegedly from.

A little light blasphemy to start the week

Thanks to Pharyngula!

A little light blasphemy

I was speculating about the reasons behind priestly celibacy yesterday, as you do while wandering Asda's aisles looking for something that tastes of food (mission failed). The official reason for banning priests from marrying seem quite good. They were married until the 1300s, when it was decided that families complicated the relationship between priest and congregation, and cost a lot of money and legal hassle. 

But that's just the official discourse. Imagine yourself in a Jerusalem bar, c. 45.

'Hello love. I'm Peter. I'm a tramp with an anger management problem - cut off a bloke's ear once for looking funny at my mate. Wander around the Med most of the time. I used to be a fisherman until I met this bloke who fed 5000 blokes with two fish. Bottom of the market dropped out after that. Anyway, I got to know this bloke and it only turns out he's God and I'm his PR man. Anyway, mind if we go back to your place sharpish? Only I've got the Roman Empire looking for me and I don't want them to turn up before the Second Coming - know what I mean?'