Tuesday, 5 July 2011

Dog Bites (Royal) Man

Shamefully, the Guardian sees fit to include 'Will Beats Kate in Boat Race' in its rolling news banner.

Really? 'Male military officer beats slender female at strenuous physical activity' counts as news?

The best I can do is quote the quite conservative 19th-century republican and atheist, Charles Bradlaugh, an attitude which perfectly fits the recent royal wedding obscenity:
I have only pleaded against the White Horse of Hanover [Victoria's family]… I loathe these small German breast-bestarred wanderers, whose only merit is their loving hatred of one another. In their own land they vegetate and with unnoticed; here, we pay them highly to marry and perpetuate a pauper prince race'. 
Against Bradlaugh's atheism, Churchill's father Randolph had this to offer:
atheists are 'for the most part… the residuum, the rabble and the scum of the population; the bulk of them persons to whom all restraint - religious, moral or legal - is odious and intolerable'.  
Having returned from my lunch bespattered with the fluids of various species - mine, other humans', several endangered creatures sacrificed to the vigorous demands of my unrestrained urges, I cannot in all good conscience disagree with Lord Randolph. I am unreasonably proud of the foulest (and fowlest) depths to which, I have discovered, a determined and imaginative atheist can sink within the confines of a mere half-hour. My limbs ache, my clothes are irreparably ruined, as are the reputations and parts of my bestial co-conspirators. Passers-by will never recover from what they witnessed this noontide.

And all because I got off my knees.

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