This is what corruption looks like

Imagine being a multimillionaire and a member of Parliament. How will you carry on making money?

How about investing in a property company? They buy a lease for £65 million. Then they sell it to another company they control, for £65,000 - with no justification for the new value. That way they don't pay any tax at all, rather than 4% stamp duty. Bingo: £2.8m saved, and you carry on collecting the rent from the building's occupants (Company 1 has of course 'lost' £64,935,000 and so won't be paying tax on any profits). And that's not all: the lease was then sold for £225m - a fat profit for our enterprising MP.

To me, that looks like an organised conspiracy to defraud the taxpayer. With nobody external having a say on what the lease is really worth, the owners can name their price and choose their tax burden, robbing us of money to build hospitals, schools and all the other things we need it for.

Who is this thieving bastard?

It's Andrew Mitchell. His job now is Secretary of State for International Development: helping countries whose weak state structures mean they can't, for example, collect the taxes required to fund state services. So while he robs from us, he's happy to collect a fat salary from our taxes for giving them to other countries. The less tax he and his companies pay, the more we have to.

Nice one Andy! What a fine example to set. The Inland Revenue described this as 'aggressive tax avoidance' - and the courts disagreed! To me it looks like a textbook example of the 'socially useless' economy described by the Bank of England's director a couple of years ago. Nobody's been employed, nothing's been made, no value has been added. Instead, financial trickery has impoverished us, and enriched a few greedy men who can afford amoral lawyers.

That's capitalism, folks!

Tax the Rich, Says David Cameron

No, you're not dreaming, and neither am I. He really did say it, and point out that the tax base shouldn't be the ordinary citizen without the means to avoid paying his or her fair share.

The Pakistani fiscal position was a serious one because "too few people pay tax. Too many of your richest people are getting away without paying much tax at all – and that's not fair".

Unfortunately, he said it in Pakistan, about Pakistan. Back at home, his brutal assault on the Inland Revenue's corporate and High-Earner units, his obsession with beggaring the poor and grovelling to the rich continues. He's even employing the worst tax avoiders: such as Philip Green, who paid his Monaco-dwelling wife £1,500,000,000 tax-free!

As you were.

Meet your local tax evader!

Lord Paul is Chancellor of The Hegemon. He's has £500 million in the bank and a lot of time on his hands, having been suspended from the House of Lords for fiddling his expenses to the tune of £40,000. This member of MIT's advisory board's defence is that 'main residence' is technical language which no Indian would understand, which seems a bit racist to me.

He's also a tax avoider, claiming 'non-dom' status, meaning that he was happy to occupy an unelected place in Britain's legislature secure in the knowledge that he wouldn't suffer the consequences of his votes. The early Americans proclaimed 'no taxation without representation': I say to Lord Paul 'no representation without taxation'.

If you're in The Hegemon tomorrow, you can meet him. You could even try asking him to pay your £9000 tuition fees!

I think I'm beginning to understand where we're going wrong

Who said this?

 “I’m sorry, I’m not a tax specialist.”

Dame Lesley Strathie. No reason why you should recognise that name. Let me explain.

Dame Leslie is the Chief Executive of Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs. She is the chief collector of taxes for the United Kingdom. This was her defence when questioned why HMRC let Vodafone off a £6.2 billion bill and agreed that any more money they hide in Luxembourg will be tax-free too.

Say one thing, do another

I say chaps, the government's cracking down on tax avoidance!

Really? How?

Well, HMRC are conducting an investigation into dubious offshore banks.

Such as?

HSBC Private Banking Holdings (Suisse) SA, for one.

Oh good - one of those Swiss outfits designed to help rich Brits hide their money. 

That's the one.

Excellent. The directors and executives should be strung up for cheating the taxpayer at a time of national economic crisis. 

Er…

Er…? What do you mean?

Well, they're not exactly swinging from lamp-posts.

How about a damn good thrashing then? Public humiliation? Drummed out of public life for their selfishness?

'Fraid not, old chap. HSBC (Suisse)'s top man's rather gone the other way. Stephen Green's now a government minister for trade (he's also been the HSBC chairman and is - ironically given that Jesus chucked the moneychangers out of the temple, an ordained Anglican vicar). Just like that Sir Philip Green chappy, who paid his Monte Carlo-based wife £1.5bn from his company to avoid his £285m contribution to the country (and they're not the only ones).

It's all about the Green, then.

It is. It really is.