Norn Iron: it hasn't gone away, you know.

Next up is a natty young man with a very directional goatee.

Hold on a second: it's Chris, disguised by his new facial furniture. He's speaking on the challenge of dissident Republicans in northern Ireland - an inchoate set of groups with divergent aims who are not hugely well-understood, I don't think. They're split along ideological, regional, historical, strategic and personal lines, and they're massively penetrated by the security forces on both sides of the border. It's fascinating in so many ways, and it's unfolding - the CIRA appears to have split again just this month (and here).

He and Eamonn are experts on this, as I got to know when I helped them on a Northern Ireland politics conference they hosted. It took months for my liver to recover and the flashbacks still haven't stopped.

A minor regression

I planned to have a few days off book-purchasing. I almost made it, until I found Cheesman and Williams' Rebels, Pretenders and Impostors in a remainders shop yesterday. I blame the cheese I'd just bought - the author's name subliminally called to me, and I've got a soft spot for the losers, maniacs and delusional characters who set themselves up as monarchs or 'true' heirs to various states. They remind us all that even hereditary monarchies such as Britain are always the product of shenanigans in virtually every generation (abdications, madness, seeking distant palatable heirs, executions etc.).

Perhaps they remind us too that most people aren't democrats: how many of you dreamed as children of being King, Queen or Prince, and how many of you, despite your manifest good qualities, will ever become one? The answer, of course, is to become a republic, in which you or your children can become head of state by persuading your fellow citizens of your merits. Then you'll discover that you have rights as a human being living in a democratic society, not merely gracelessly handed out as a reward for obedience. Off with their heads!