Chow down, piggies

KFC are, of course, seriously concerned for customers' health. They say so:

At KFC, we take great pride and care to provide you with the best food and dining experience in the quick service restaurant business.

We believe eating sensibly, combined with appropriate exercise, is the best solution for a healthy lifestyle. KFC offers a variety of menu items for those that want lower fat, lower calorie choices, including Tender Roast and Honey BBQ Sandwiches, corn on the cob, BBQ baked beans and green beans.

To help you further, we've provided nutritional information so you can make informed choices about what to eat.

However, they also believe very strongly that bread is too boring to put in a sandwich. Now, what would you replace it with? How about… fried chicken? The Double Down Sandwich is, according to The Vancouver Sun, 1228 calories, not far short of 3 Big Macs and consists of fried chicken with bacon and cheese in the middle.

Health Solutions

I'm still gutted by Stoke's 94th-minute defeat by Chelsea the other day - I doubt we'd ever get those extra minutes from a referee should we need them. But it's put me in a sporting frame of mind. Neal thinks that Monkey Tennis should be an Olympic Sport. Perhaps. But my money's on the Obesity Olympics. I'd make participation compulsory for anyone seeking medical help for weight-related health problems, unless it's genuinely a genetic disease. I'd televise it, and the medals would carry with them enough medication for a fixed period. 

I'd also ban the obese from car ownership and short trips on public transport. I'd repeal all laws covering abusive behaviour so that you could hurl epithets at plus-sized citizens (of which I am, shamefully, one, though in remission). I will also gradually ban luxury accessories on private vehicles. I'd start with stereos, DVD players, air-conditioning, tinted windows, then move on to heaters, cushioned seats, seatbelts, ABS, lights and windows, doors and key-ignition. Eventually, if you own a car, you'll be sitting on a board and pedalling it along.