Be A Dictator

I'm currently transcribing useful quotes from Alan Plater's Beiderbecke Trilogy for a paper on representations of jazz in popular fiction - including John Crace's All That Follows and Jackie Kay's Trumpet.

I'm trying to use the new dictation software built into Apple's Mountain Lion software. I don't know if it's my weird voice, nasal tones or mixed-up accent, but the results are, well, mixed. Take this sentence:

The sound of Beiderbecke’s plain comet Barnstable near understrapper was given iPhone a conducted tour of his record child

It's like having a computer designed by James Joyce. The actual sentence is:

The sound of Beiderbecke's plaintive cornet danced upon the air and Trevor was giving Ivan a conducted tour of his record shelves.

Bloody thing. It recognises 'Beiderbecke' but not 'Trevor'? Anyone else having problems with it?

Mounting a Lion

This morning I'm trying to use the new Mac OSx dictation software. Any errors are therefore the responsibility of Apple Macintosh and the rotting ports of Steve jobs. I didn't say the rotting ports except the rotting ports know I said the boxing courts oh for gods sake this is getting ridiculous outcome I expected to bumped about the state of the world stoke city and lo-fi indie music is bloody piece of software cannot understand a simple clear distinct accent. You can't even understand me when I tried to say the word courts meaning the body of that body of Steve jobs. God knows how this machine would cope with the absence of my friends from Stoke Terry Limerick and all points west. Colts Colts Colts Colts. Dammit I'm trying to refer to the Cadabra of Steve Jones. No, the dead body of Steve jobs which deserves desecrating for this awful awful piece of software. What if I tried American accent? Clearly some improvement when I tried crystal from Dallas.

Computer says no.

A small prize to anyone who can decipher what I was actually trying to say in the above paragraph.