How politics works

It's utter chaos over in Ireland - attempted ruling-party coups, resignations, and a general election in 8 weeks.

This beautiful sentence caught my eye (from the Irish Times):

Killeen also said this was his understanding. Indeed, it was during the meeting that he learned he was going to be resigning.

The Taoiseach (PM) 'resigned' several of his ministers. Then he offered the jobs to several people, who said no. Now he's given serious jobs (like Minister of Foreign Affairs) to other Cabinet members on top of what they're already doing.

Toytown. With added corruption.

Update: and now the prime minister's resigned as head of Fianna Fail. Then the Greens withdrew from the coalition over the weekend to hasten the election. What appalling damage they've done to green politics in Ireland: they'll be out of power for at least a generation, having propped up one of the worst and most corrupt governments in living memory - without having achieved anything Green.

Another day, another rejection

You may recall that I recently applied for the post of Head of BBC North, on the assumption that as Peter Salmon, the current postholder, refused to actually move to the North, there was a vacancy.

Unfortunately (for me), Mr. Salmon has had a partial rethink, according to the letter I received from the head of the BBC, Mark Thompson (and full marks to him for replying to my teasing and for standing up for the BBC recently):

Dear Dr [Vole]

Thank you for your email.

BBC North's objective is to serve and represent audiences across the whole of the UK. It will deliver locally made, high quality content for every platform using the latest innovations in technology. BBC North will also lead the way in training and developing local talent, building on the rich mix of skills and experience already available in the North of England. It will also renew and forge new partnerships with organisations across the North of England to bring the BBC closer to the public. 

Peter Salmon is leading the BBC's move to the North and already spends a considerable amount of time in Salford. In the short term he will be renting a flat in Salford Quays, due to existing family commitments. This means he will not take up any other relocation assistance from the BBC when he moves at a later date.

When Peter does travel to and from Salford, he travels by train in standard class. 

Best wishes

Mark Thompson

I think the move to Salford is a great idea, for the BBC and for the area, which sorely needs economic regeneration, even at the cost of serving lattés to southerners in designer glasses. As long as it doesn't become a kind of Siberian gulag for the unfashionable bits of the BBC, it should be a cultural eye-opener for the nation's media and a mark of confidence in the North.

Until recently, the Irish government tried to rebalance the economy away from Dublin (which has dragged half the entire country's population into its environs) by posting government departments to different towns and cities. I thought this was a brilliant idea - Ireland's a small place, and the e-revolution means that we're never far away from each other in practical terms - but it failed because snobby civil servants and their political masters missed the bright lights, the cosy bars and easy access to bribes meetings with 'opinion formers'. Now there's no economy anywhere in Ireland of course, so the decentralisation push has run into the sand.

On the subject of Ireland's politicians, decide for yourself whether - on the basis of this clip - the Taoiseach (Prime Minister) is drunk in charge during this 8 a.m. interview last week.

A Prophet in his own country…

If you're Irish, I suggest you swallow your coffee before reading on. You can never get all the stains off your screen.

OK, ready?
Apparently, An Taoiseach (Prime Minister) Brian Cowen is the 5th best head of government in the world, in an article called 'Go To The Head Of The Class'.

Biffo, as rendered by Conor Casby, who sneaked these painting onto the wall of the National Gallery of Ireland

If you're not Irish, perhaps I should explain. Ireland's recession makes Britain's look like a walk in the park. Ireland enticed lots of multinational companies in by offering beggar-thy-neighbour tax rates. When they got an even better offer, they shut up shop, leaving no tax and high unemployment.

Meanwhile, low European interest rates designed to make those canny Germans spend their savings persuaded millions of Irish people to invest in property to a degree which would horrify even a North London dinner party. From high to low, every greedy bastard was paying millions of Euro for very ordinary houses in very ordinary places. This in a country which has no housing shortage - the population's still only half what it was before the 1840s famine. They bought holiday homes and investment properties.

And that's just ordinary greedy bastards. In the realms of serious money, bankers were lending obscene amounts to their property developer friends, who got planning permissions from their corrupt politician friends, who appointed them to the banks' boards of directors, who lent more money to the speculators and bought obscure financial instruments without oversight because they were the bankers and the politicians and the speculators and the regulators. Like Iceland, the banks were exposed so many multiples of their assets, and the assets of their entire country, that a tiny upset would ruin the entire nation. Which is exactly what happened. And in response, Cowen's governments took over the entire liabilities of all of these despicable banks, without question. None of their directors are in prison despite evidence of influence buying and sharp practice, and none of them are going to suffer.

Ireland was treated like a village in which the local council and shopkeepers and  lawyers all looked after each other and assumed that the only way was eternally up. The politicians kept taking bribes (former Taoiseach Bertie Ahern was taking suitcases of cash - claiming not to have a bank account - even while he was Minister of Finance and before him, Charlie Haughey owned a fleet of helicopters and an island on a salary of £I3500).

The priests, of course, were busy abusing children and couldn't spare the time to muse on the morality of national greed and an entire class of corrupt rulers.

So why am I moaning about this now? To recap, a famous American news magazine has decided that Brian Cowen is the 5th best leader in the world. Let's have a look at Biffo's (Big Ignorant Fecker From Offaly) record shall we?

Unemployment - 13%
Benefits - cut massively
Salaries - cut
Emigration - massively up
Public investment - abolished
Bond markets - only Greece is less trusted
Taxes - up massively (for people, not for business).

So to summarise, everyone in Ireland, under the enlightened leadership of Brian Cowen is:
unemployed
broke
sick
unprotected
overtaxed
or
gone.

Where was Biffo while the financial system was going absolutely fucking mental? Er, he was Minister for Finance (2004-2008). Then he got a promotion!

Why does Newsweek like him? Because he's abandoned social democracy and instituted the kind of social Darwinist dog-eat-dog minimal government system which even Somalia would think a bit selfish.

The Emperor's New Clothes

Some absolute genius has sneaked paintings of a naked Taoiseach onto the walls of the Royal Hibernian Academy and the National Gallery of Ireland, presumably as a satirical comment on the economic crisis (photo from Slugger). Wot larks!

Thanks to Laura, who's just sent me the Guardian version: apparently there's a 'police hunt' going on. I'd love to know what the criminal offence is. Aggravated donation of satirical artwork? Painting with intent to amuse? Hanging's too good for them (oh my aching sides)!