That All-Purpose Today Programme Running Schedule

Today Programme

Broadcast Running Schedule

date: any

• 6.00 a.m. Headlines
• 6.03-6.15 UKIP-voting farmers demanding more European subsidies
• 6.15-6.20 Summary of Daily Mail editorials ('Today's Papers')
• Inaccurate time-check (to be repeated at intervals throughout)
• 6.20-6.43 Forced banter. 
• 6.43-6.59 London weather.
• 7.00-7.15 Hegemonic Headlines
• 7.15-7.7.23 Patronising and embarrassing attempt at popular culture.
• 7.24-7.34 Nick Robinson Fellates A Conservative Politician ('Yesterday at Westminster').
• 7.34-7.50 Sue McGregor Or Some Woman Gets A Female-type Piece on Caring or Breast Cancer or Children or Whatever. 
• 7.50-7.53 Everybody Look Serious While a Religious Person Says That It Really Does Make You Think, in kindly tones.
• 7.53-7.59 - Muslim Outrage Of The Day.
• 8.00-8.15 Hegemonic Headlines
• 8.15-8.29 John Humphries Shouts At Member of the Public Excoriated by the Daily Mail (may be replaced by John Humphries Shouts UKIP Talking Points at Labour Backbencher or Daily EU Bonkers Lunacy Outrage Of The Day).
• 8.30-8.35 Forced Levity While Someone Common Talks About Working-Class Sport Things.
• 8.36-8.38 Melvyn Bragg Tortures a Topical Pun. 
• 8.39-8.40 Moment of Silence before presenters manage to laugh at Bragg Pun. 
• 8.40-8.41 Global News Roundup Token Minute, or 'Foreigners Do The Funniest Things'. 
• 8.41.5-8.42 Stuff From Outside Central London. Whatever. 
• 8.42-8.50 Inaccurate Time Check. Hilarity.
• 8.50-8.58 Evan Davis Pretends To Know Stuff, To Interviewee's Obvious Scorn and/or Embarrassment. 
• 9.00 John Humphries Finishes Speech Disguised As A Question He Started at 8.15. Crashes Pips. 
• 9.01. Gloom Settles Over Nation.