Sartorial crisis

Here's a little task for you.

I looked at my clothes yesterday, and realised that I'm in a bind. Most of my clothes would suit an accountant in his forties, apart from a smattering of t-shirts which announce my love of various obscure defunct bands, or fencing competitions I've competed in or refereed. I need casual clothes, avoiding both Alan Partridge and the billboard look, appropriate to a 34-year old lecturer about town.

I went out in search of clothing yesterday and came back angry and empty-handed. The shirts I have with text on them usually relate to an activity or group with which I have some connection. What happened to our culture? All the shops aren't just selling clothes festooned with the maker's names: most of them 'advertise' imaginary products or companies, as though being a walking billboard is the absolute pinnacle of style. I remove identifying marks from clothes - why on earth is it cool to proclaim labels, real or fictional?

So tell me - where the hell can I find some relaxed t-shirts lacking such things? Abstract designs, if muted, are fine.

Well done Norwich

The land of Alan Partridge voted in a 27 year old lobbyist and management consultant Tory, Chloe Smith, after their honest, learned, decent and independent Labour MP Ian Gibson was pushed out by a Labour HQ desperate to get rid of a thorn in their side.

Cameron's always on about the 'new politics' (despite a party in which 60% of its MPs went to fee-paying schools), yet his candidate is a LOBBYIST, a paid corporate liar with virtually no experience of real life - having mostly worked for Tory MPs or Central Office - like him. Still, having a young female MP will look progressive, and it's representation that matters in this postmodernist world.

She has a first-class degree in English - proof that however high your grades are, you can still manage to avoid learning anything.

Celebrity guests

Neal and I had a celebrity rhyming slang dinner last night: J. G. Ballard and Alan were in attendance (i.e. a mallard and a partridge). Mmmm…

I'll get my coat. Again.