Thursday, 8 December 2011

Your dream Christmas dinner

OK, here's something for you to ponder over lunch - a familiar old conundrum.

Who would you invite to your dream Christmas dinner (or Christmas lunch, as the Daily Telegraph has it: 'this is not the Daily Star')?

OK, me first.
Decca Mitford: muckraking journalist, civil rights crusader, communist, friend of the Black Panthers, brilliant and witty writer, liked a drink. Eloped to the Spanish Civil War, aged 18, with Churchill's nephew.
Terry Pratchett. Obviously.
RS Thomas. Though he's a bit gloomy and you'd have to get him hammered before he cheered up (though one biographer claimed he was hilarious). Think of him as a fleshy Welsh Marvin the Paranoid Android.
Bjork. She'd bring roasted puffin and you could wind her up by wondering out loud where Lady Gaga got her ideas from.
William Morris. Big fat cheery lefty artistic genius. Guaranteed to provide comedy crackers.
Alexei Sayle. Clever, funny, Jewish lefty. In fact, much as I imagine Jesus before his PR team (aka Catholicism) got hold of him.
Michel Montaigne. Very clever man, liked good grub and a drink.

For festive illumination, Michael Gove doused in paraffin, on a spit.
Live music from El Vez, the Mexican Elvis. His 'Feliz Navidad' is one of my very favourite songs.

OK, your turn.


Ewarwoowar said...

Oh Vole, now you're talking. This is amazing. Right:

NIGELLA: She cooks and she has breasts.

CLARKSON: Obviously.

PAUL UPPAL: You see, I'm a multi-cultural person, Vole, someone who respects every faith and denomination. For his outstanding work in the Sikh community, I gladly open my doors to Mr Uppal and allow him to share my joyous Winterval dinner with my guests and I.

PRESIDENT ROBERT MUGABE: Gets a very bad rep, I think. I would enjoy discussing his private, humanitarian work with him whilst sampling Nigella's scrumptious sprouts.

WWE EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT OF TALENT RELATIONS MR JOHN LAURINAITIS: I admire the man for his class, his fairness and his voice.

THE SATURDAYS: Apart from the ugly one.

LEE CORSO: Not so fast, my friend! What a man.

BOBBY VALENTINE: The man. The myth. The legend.


"CYNICAL" BENJAMIN JUDGE: For bon mots and witticisms.

Happy Winterval everyone!

Ewarwoowar said...

Forgot to tick the "Email follow up comments" box so just putting this here so I can do that now :)