Monday, 13 September 2010

The wit and wisdom of The Dark Place

I heard a cracking line from the old chaps down at the swimming pool.

They were discussing that mad American pastor's plan to burn copies of The Qur'an because 'it's a violent book' (which simply proves that he's never read the Bible, which seems to feature smiting after smiting after smiting).

What, one wondered, could you burn to symbolise British culture?
Easy, claimed the other:
You just have to burn a copy of the Argos catalogue.

Your alternatives? Here are a few of mine (not necessarily from dislike, but because they're symbolic of the British Way of Life.

Clearly the Daily Mail. Or Heat.
Weekly-instalment magazines.
Anything to do with WW2 or the Premiership.
Ann Summers or a McDonald's drive-in.
Notification of Planned Engineering Works and Replacement Bus Services.
Jeremy Clarkson.
David Mitchell (the entertainer, not the novelist).
The insurance meerkat.
White Lightning and similar drinks (and they'd burn well).
Chuggers (= charity muggers, the students employed to approach you on the street and make you feel like a selfish bastard for giving to other charities).
My Family. Let's face it, they deserve it. Robert Lindsay was in GBH for feck's sake.
Effigies of X-Factor/Dancing on Ice/jungle 'celebrities' etc.
Cream teas.
Curries. I burn them regularly, to be fair.
Costa/Starbucks etc.
Hen and Stag party t-shirts and hats.

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