Thursday 23 September 2010

Pop goes the Vole (sod the Weasel)

Reading something about novelty hits and songs you can't get out of your head, I decided to finally listen to Rihanna's song 'Umbrella', which everyone says is the most annoyingly catchy song ever written:



No. There must be something wrong with me. It's slightly annoying, but it's so identikit r'n'b pop that it's completely unmemorable to me, even with the 'ella ella ella' bit which is meant to be the essential bit.

So I thought I'd listen to Las Ketchup, which was a huge hit a couple of years ago. I've never heard that either. Listen, I don't have music TV and don't listen to Radio 1 or - thankfully - commercial/local radio. I'm too angry as it is.



OK. The floor-sweeping reminds me of Nirvana. Unfortunately, none of the rest of the song does. It's jolly enough, and certainly better than Klaxons or Kula Shaker, but again, it's not stuck in my head.

So, what's next? Ah, The Macarena.



A lot simpler, just as annoying, but somehow more memorable, damn it. I really dislike the men's voices and the women's lyrics. We're getting somewhere though.

Let's try Jive Bunny, from way back when I was young.



This track may be why I own lots of charity shop swing and easy-listening music (especially the Klaus Wunderlich and His Hammond-a-go-go records). It's lazily cynical, but I have to admit to a sneaking admiration for it.

Which brings me to my favourite novelty record of all:



Why? Surely this is feminist satire in its purest form: a woman posing and singing as an anti-feminist doll, inviting manipulation? It's a clear statement of the position of women in the post-feminist period as male lust objects (…wrapped in plastic, it's fantastic… you can brush my hair, undress me anywhere'?.

In fact, it's one of the saddest songs I've ever heard: they're both trapped in a fantasy which isn't of their making. She protests that 'it's fantastic', but she's explicitly under the sway of male whims, to which she submits because to stop the 'party' would be to admit its artificiality - she's so desperate to keep up the illusion that she's ready to 'beg on my knees' and let him 'touch' and 'play'. Does anyone believe her final protestation that she's having 'so much fun' and 'loves' Ken? Not me. She's crying inside, mark my words.

All Ken wants to do is play increasingly sinister sex-games: 'We're just getting started' is distinctly threatening.


I'm A Barbie Girl In The Barbie World 
Life In Plastic, It's Fantastic 
You Can Brush My Hair, Undress Me Everywhere 
Imagination, Life Is Your Creation 

Come On, Barbie, Let's Go Party 

I'm A Barbie Girl In The Barbie World 
Life In Plastic, It's Fantastic 
You Can Brush My Hair, Undress Me Everywhere 
Imagination, Life Is Your Creation 

I'm A Blonde Single Girl In The Fantasy World 
Dress Me Up, Take Your Time, I'm Your Dollie 
You're My Doll, Rock And Roll, Feel The Glamour And Pain 
Kiss Me Here, Touch Me There, Hanky-Panky 

You Can Touch, You Can Play 
You Can Say I'm Always Yours, Oooh Whoa 

I'm A Barbie Girl In The Barbie World 
Life In Plastic, It's Fantastic 
You Can Brush My Hair, Undress Me Everywhere 
Imagination, Life Is Your Creation 

Come On, Barbie, Let's Go Party, Ha Ha Ha, Yeah 
Come On, Barbie, Let's Go Party, Oooh, Oooh 
Come On, Barbie, Let's Go Party, Ha Ha Ha, Yeah 
Come On, Barbie, Let's Go Party, Oooh, Oooh 

Make Me Walk, Make Me Talk, Do Whatever You Please 
I Can Act Like A Star, I Can Beg On My Knees 
Come Jump In, Be My Friend, Let Us Do It Again 
Hit The Town, Fool Around, Let's Go Party 

You Can Touch, You Can Play 
You Can Say I'm Always Yours 
You Can Touch, You Can Play 
You Can Say I'm Always Yours 

Come On, Barbie, Let's Go Party, Ha Ha Ha, Yeah 
Come On, Barbie, Let's Go Party, Oooh, Oooh 
Come On, Barbie, Let's Go Party, Ha Ha Ha, Yeah 
Come On, Barbie, Let's Go Party, Oooh, Oooh 

I'm A Barbie Girl In The Barbie World 
Life In Plastic, It's Fantastic 
You Can Brush My Hair, Undress Me Everywhere 
Imagination, Life Is Your Creation 

I'm A Barbie Girl In The Barbie World 
Life In Plastic, It's Fantastic 
You Can Brush My Hair, Undress Me Everywhere 
Imagination, Life Is Your Creation 

Come On, Barbie, Let's Go Party, Ha Ha Ha, Yeah 
Come On, Barbie, Let's Go Party, Oooh, Oooh 
Come On, Barbie, Let's Go Party, Ha Ha Ha, Yeah 
Come On, Barbie, Let's Go Party, Oooh, Oooh 

- Oh, I'm Having So Much Fun! 
- Well, Barbie, We're Just Getting Started! 
- Oh, I Love You Ken!


And it's infuriatingly catchy. Let's hear your suggestions.

4 comments:

Ewarwoowar said...

So much to write here.

1) "Umbrella" is one of the finest records of the last decade, providing you concentrate on the lyrics and the general beat.

The problem is, whenever I listen to it now all I can hear is that incredibly annoying noise all the way through, that ruins it for me, it's all I can hear(0:01, 0:04, 0:07 and then every 2/3 seconds after)

2) I can't believe the Las Ketchup song doesn't stick in your head. That and Macarena - both awful rubbish, but incredibly catchy.

3) Aqua are largely misunderstood, and I think you're right about Barbie Girl. With their records there was always more than meets the eye to them.

One of my favourite songs of all time is by them - Turn Back Time. You probably know it, but worth a listen if you dont. The film its in (Sliding Doors) was also splendid.

It's impossible to say what the catchiest record of all time is, but "5,6,7,8" by Steps must be on the list. What ghastly rubbish.

Some Chilean Woman said...

Funny post, love it. Yesterday I had a patient's mom dressed horribly, flame sleeve tattoos, Playboy bunny purse and necklace. Her email address had 'imabarbiegirl' in it. I felt bad for judging her at first, then I read her email address.

The Plashing Vole said...

SCW: I'd have refused treatment on the ground that some genes don't deserve the chance to reproduce.

Ewar: I'm never, ever going to play 'Umbrella' again, and now can't remember anything about it EXCEPT that noise, which is what stood out at the time.

I hate 'Turn Back Time' - it doesn't even get novelty record status, though I quite liked Sliding Doors.

I did think of another track which deserves to be roundly hated: the 'indie' track with the chorus 'It's got a CD player player player player' which makes me apoplectically angry.

Ewarwoowar said...

You don't like Turn Back Time or Buck Rogers?

Eep.