Angry round-up

I have to go to meetings. My bosses are frogmarched to meetings involving 'break-out rooms', which have nothing to do with WW2 escape movies or the A-Team being locked in a fully-equipped workshop, and everything to do with trying to brainwash innocent people into complicity with an evil management which knows that Newspeak kills pesky ideas and independent thinking. It's soft fascism. Refuse to break out! Break free! Break down!

So here's Modern Toss's take.

Meanwhile, you may know that I'm a bit of a typeface nerd. My favourites are clear, modernist designs such as the wonderful Gill Sans, Johnston Sans, and Helvetica. I use Georgia on this blog because it's elegantly old-fashioned: Helvetica's a bit cold to use for everything and the other choices are limited.

This, of course, means that I am a typeface snob - according to Comic Sans, who you shouldn't use in essays.

We don't all have seventy-three weights of stick-up-my-ass Helvetica sitting on our seventeen-inch MacBook Pros. Sorry the entire world can't all be done in stark Eurotrash Swiss type. Sorry some people like to have fun. 

People love me. Why? Because I'm fun. I'm the life of the party. I bring levity to any situation. Need to soften the blow of a harsh message about restroom etiquette? SLAM. There I am. Need to spice up the directions to your graduation party? WHAM. There again. Need to convey your fun-loving, approachable nature on your business' website? SMACK. Like daffodils in motherfucking spring.

I am a sans serif Superman and my only kryptonite is pretentious buzzkills like you.

It doesn't even matter what you think. You know why, jagoff? Cause I'm famous. I am on every major operating system since Microsoft fucking Bob. I'm in your signs. I'm in your browsers. I'm in your instant messengers. I'm not just a font. I am a force of motherfucking nature and I will not rest until every uptight armchair typographer cock-hat like you is surrounded by my lovable, comic-book inspired, sans-serif badassery.

That guy's an asshole fun-loving party animal.