Thursday 8 April 2010

Hellay, Student chaps and chapesses

Dave here. Dave Cameron. I've heard a teensy rumour that you student types don't think I'm not, well, down with you.

I'm hear to nail that lie. I am. I feel your pain. I grew up on an estate too, though it probably had more horses and fewer foxes than yours. Let's take student fees. Despite having £30m, I understand that going to university can cost a lot of money. I had to pay £10,000 each year while I was at Oxford. That's even more than I'm going to let the universities charge you when I win the election next week.

No, it wasn't exactly to go to university - that was free however much money you had, and let me tell you, my chums had a lot. No, my £10k per year was spent on joining the Bullingdon Club and let me tell you that it was a fabulous investment: Boris here (6) is now Mayor of London, George (despite being a despicable non-Etonian oik - 1) is going to be Chancellor, and I'm going to be Prime Minister (2).



So when your bitter, class-obsessed chums moan that I don't know what it's like to fork over large sums for education, you can tell them to bloody well bugger off. I'm increasing fees so that you can all invest in your futures.

Remember: 'all you need is cash'. OK chaps?

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Here's to the last scene of Lindsay Anderson's 'if....'.

unluckydip said...

I'd say that, just based on my personal interactions with students, that most of them will probably end up voting tory.

The Plashing Vole said...

Anon: yes, that would be wonderful. That film's 50 years old now…

Unlucky: hopefully the selfish Tory

Tarquin de Quincey said...

Excellent news.

If only I hadn't been holidaying in Monaco on my boat with a woman who isn't Mrs de Quincey I'd have seen this sooner.

Keep up the sterling work students.